♥ The Royal Edict by the Queen of all grumpy old farts ♥

2010-10-10T01:30:00.001+08:00

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.

It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.

It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.

If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.

--Jo A. Witt

Practical aim

2010-09-28T22:19:00.002+08:00

After great pain, what would the body
learn that it does not already know of relief?

When that fire-truck has raged past,
what do I rediscover about silence
except that I would always miss it?

Do trees mind if it is the same wind
that passes through their heads everyday?

After the mall is completed, must we
remember the field it now inhabits
where we raced each other as children?

If my lover forgets to wake me with a kiss
a second time this week, should I worry?

Does solitude offer strength over time, or
is denial of it the only practical aim?

After the earthquake, would it matter
if no one saw two dogs from different
families approaching each other
without suspicion, then moving apart?

As the workers wash their faces hidden
by helmets that beam back the sun,
should they care about the new building
behind them beyond a fear of it falling?

If my mother cannot see how else to be
happy, is it enough that she may lie
in bed, convinced God watches her sleep?

After deep loss, what does the heart
learn that it has not already understood
about regret?

When all light finally forsakes a room,
do we take the time to interrogate the dark,
and to what end?

Cyril Wong (Copyright 2006)

Fucking spoilt brat

2010-06-06T16:11:00.002+08:00

Chao cheebye I just got kicked and punched by a spoilt brat who has the nerve to throw the first punch even after we've given her so much face, spent like 4 hours coaxing her, trying to calm her down..

Finally she did and managed to open up. Than for some reason or another, the retard started wailing for her mummy again.

I would have understood if the bitch was doing all of these because she's psychotic..but she's not! She's just some stupid attention seeking brat who can't behave. This kinda of people don't need meds, they just need 2 tight slaps every now and then.

Can't she fucking understand simple english? Her mum has been there almost 24/7, taking all her shit, on a verge of a breakdown and she still selfishly hogs on to her mum, not allowing her to go home and get some proper sleep..

I've really had enough of such shit. I can take the most psychotic people and their nonsense. These people don't mean it, they're unwell. But to take this spoilt brat's nonsense, I really need to be God.

2010-05-17T14:11:00.002+08:00

I think the problem with the internet is this...that people think a medical degree can be earned by reading some internet articles. If it were so, the government don't need to spend so much money to train doctors and nurses. Buy them a laptop, fix it up to the internet, ask them to stay at home and read internet articles for 5 years than give them a degree can already.

The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. -Josh Billings-

Never fails to piss me off. When ignorant people give me the know-it-all attitude, when they know nuts about what's going on and still got the cheek to order me around.

When you try to explain to them nicely, they give you that fucked up face because they think they're so bloody smart and you're just a fool in their eyes.

2010-05-02T21:15:00.001+08:00

I'm back to blogging. Today my sis told me sth which pissed me off, thank God I wasn't there..

She said some people told her that the mentally ill are a waste of resources and deserve to die. What pissed me off further is that person even said they do not deserve pity because they don't even know that they're behaving abnormally.

I'm just shocked that such stupid people exist. Even a pig would know, why is it that mental patient's fault he's got a mental problem? Does that mean a diabetic patient deserves to die? Since they can't produce enough insulin, the excess sugar is going to be excreted out in the urine..So they should die because they're wasting sugar?

If you haven't seen how much suffering a mental patient and his/her family would go through, I suggest you just shut that fucking mouth of yours and stop acting smart.

Courage and strength

2009-11-22T16:21:00.002+08:00

It takes strength to be firm and it takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to conquer and it takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain and it takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in and it takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain and it takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to endure abuse and it takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone and it takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love and it takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive and it takes courage to live.

- Unknown

2009-10-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

I just got a horrible haircut. Exams are over, I've got another 2 months more to go before I start work again.

Life's been good so far. No time/lazy to blog. Basically reporting the going-ons on fb. I'm such a boring writer these days.

2009-09-21T23:52:00.003+08:00

Just came back from Thailand. I'm so bloody busy that I need to run away to Thailand over the long weekend to preserve my sanity.

Saw a lot of poor people there, I don't know why they're still so fucking poor when I've contributed a considerable amount to their economy over the last 3 years. It's amazing how much damage a corrupted and inefficient government can do.

I also walked in flood waters for the first time in my 21 years. All the time I was walking I wondered what was lurking beneath. When I got back to the hotel I scrubbed my legs and bathed 3 times to get rid of the filth. I would have chopped my legs and changed them if I could.

I cannot write anymore 'cos I'd already written 1200 words the whole of today on a topic I know shit about. I still have about 1800 words more to go. I've got until thursday else I'd die the most horrible death one can ever imagine.

Comex fair 2009

2009-09-13T21:16:00.003+08:00

Yesterday nearly became my death anniversary. I went to the commex fair at suntec and nearly died there. The whole bloody place was so crowded and everyone was just pushing everyone. Halfway through squeezing all the crowds I decided to come out of the hall. The few minutes I spent looking for the hall was hell for me. I wish the floor would break open and take me out of the place filled with noise, smelly and sweaty people.

I swore never to go back today, even though my sis said they sold earphones she wanted at half the price. I won't even go there again, over my dead body, even if they were giving out laptops for free.

I just got fined $6

2009-09-04T20:23:00.002+08:00

This was supposed to be up last week when I received a nice pink letter from HDB fining me $6. Knn. I was fined for overstaying in a lot.

But that's ok, my mistake, I pay for it. What I'm pissed off about is that they had the guts and the audacity to send me a late notice when I never received the summon slip on my windscreen.

My coupon would expired at 1620hours. Time of offence is 1645 hours. I remember leaving my aunt's house ~1610hours. Takes me about 10 minutes to get to the car, including climb up the stairs to the lot. (Cos it's a MSCP.)

Logically speaking, I should have seen the attendant if my time of offence was 1645 hours mah! But how come I didnt see her, nor that stupid slip? What are the chances of the slip flying away in a MSCP?

I think nowadays things are becoming invisible. Warden invisible, even the summon slip is invisible. But it's ok, I'm gonna pay the fine (cos it was my mistake) then write a nice "feedback" for them, hoot them kao kao.

Knn. I guess the warden must have reached there at 1610 hours, just nice coupon expire but need to give me some grace period. So she went to other decks. Sekali I came back, and drove off by the time she came back to my car. So happened she didn't meet her quota for her day and already got my details so just fine lor.

It may sound cliche but it's not about the $6 but the principle behind this. I feel so cheated by them.

In a separate incident, really fucking pissed with this guy from my subgroup. I've got 2 subgroups, this guy is not from my regular subgroup.

The nerve of him to say things like, "no changes to be made..." and he keeps harping on the stupid deadline. To me, to hell with that bloody deadline. As long as I haven't presented, you can still make small changes here and there what. What's more important is that the final product is the closest you can get to perfection and not produce some half past six work cos you wanna stick to your self imposed deadline.

If tmr you gonna die, you bought your coffin 1 year ago and it doesn't fit you now, are you gonna try to squeeze in anyway cos you need to meet the "deadline?"

If tmr you gonna get married, suddenly your bride ran away, are you gonna grab any Jane, Mary or June to marry so you can stick to your so-called deadline?

We don't have until next year to produce a perfect product, but even if you finished 2 days before deadline, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna use the 2 days to perfect it further or just leave it cos it's the stupid deadline?

2009-07-29T20:16:00.004+08:00

One day, I'll be director of the school and change the no slipper, no shorts rule. It's a damn bloody stupid rule. And I think no one, accept those old fogeys bother enforcing the rule. Only the lao kok kok will chase after u and preech about this senseless rule.

I think as long as you're not wearing FBTs or market shorts, it should be fine. Tailored shorts are fine. Well...because I have many of it la.

Compare the above...with this:

Which one would u rather wear? Assuming all the cobblers in the world died and u only had these 2 to choose from?

For me, I'd choose the 2nd one, at least it's chio-er. But nyp would book u for wearing the second one cos it has no back strap. No backstrap=slipper. What nonsense.

Anyway, the point is not that all the cobblers died. The point is, you don't need a backstrap to look good or professional. You can still look professional with a high heeled "slipper." How does a backstrap make one look professional?

2009-07-26T20:04:00.001+08:00

I'm simple, not stupid or useless. Yes, I'm critical, foul tempered and stubborn but I'm not wicked. Neither am I hypocritical. And really, if you couldn't find anything good to say, I suggest u shut up. I'm not a puppet, a doll, a trophy or a tool to feed your inadequacies. I'm human.

Help! It's raining idiots!

2009-07-22T21:51:00.003+08:00

I just said I got nothing to blog about. Who's to know, the idiots all start appearing in front of me. They heard me...calling out to them.

Was having dinner with mum happily at a food court. This skinny guy who looked like he doesn't have any balls and a really small prick wanted to walk in between tables. So anyway, he needed me to move closer to my table to be able to pass through.

What would any normal person do? Say excuse me right?

But this small prick guy decided to squeeze his way through and while at it, happily tilt my chair for me. Tilt my chair when laoniang was still sitting on it.

Nabeh! I was so mad I just turned around to look at his stupid face. And he didn't even look apologetic, some more can still glare at me.

Stupid fucker, how the hell I know you wanna pass through?! It's not as if I have eyes at the back of my head.

I was so mad I just said in quite a loud voice, "Nabeh, don't know how to say excuse me ar!"

By then, he was already a few tables away, I don't know if he heard me. But my mum said he gave me one last glare before walking off.

While he was on his way out, a lady was on her way in and needed to squeeze in between as well. Well, she had the decency to say excuse me..

I wonder if he's even married. Ugly, rude and stupid and got small balls. Even single, desperate, ugly (SDU) people also better than him. They may be desperate and ugly but at least they're not dumb and rude like this guy with small balls.

I was actually in a good mood until I met this si gin na. I hope his underwear become carnivorous tonight.

I went troll bashing

2009-07-21T19:24:00.004+08:00

It all started one fine afternoon, was just searching through a certain car forum for certain something when I came across this troll. Really pissed me off so much that I cannot help but give him a nice good kick in the arse.

Hi ... Just wish to know who is from Cambridge also? I just happened to
know that Our PM is from Cambridge too. Maybe next time we can gather and have
D&D, Do charity and give some back to society.

I did not intend to poke my nose into it. But the more I read, the more I feel the need to give him one nice good kick in the arse.

Gentlemen ... gentlemen .... We are all men of learnings. Can you please control
the unculture words that is shown here?

Cambridge university. Simi lanjiao, the poor child can't even write in proper English.

Ah ! ... Time is against me and the night falls without consulting me. I must be
off now and till then ... May i say to you all ... a pinch of sorrowfull
farewell and a heartiful of welcoming enticipation for our next encounter...

He used 1600 English to "prove" his from Cambridge. Please la, who the hell speak like him? I think even the Queen needs to think twice before using his 1600 English for her Christmas speech.

The last one I don't know where he cut and paste from. Someone with a brain like his is totally incapable of writing all that.

Anyway, this is my reply to him. The one in pink is what I quoted from him. The ones in blue are my words.

*Ahem ... * Excuse me. Are you all from Cambridge?
If you're really sincere about connecting with your alma
mater, please use the numerous groups on facebook. So no matter what Cambridge
you came from, be it language school, kindergarden or University, you'd probably
find it easier to find your fellow Cambridge mates there.
okay ... okay .... all right ... all right now... I was
trying to see if you all can catch the mistakes. Very good wor~ you all can
spotted the grammer mistakes.
It should read: "ALL OF YOU CAN SPOT THE GRAMMATICAL
ERRORS." I mean, what happened? I cannot claim to be as distinguished and
educated as you are but my years of Singaporean education gave me a good command
of English and I am capable of using grammatically sound English. First take the
plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from
your brother's eye.
I am sure that you sir may not have the equal opportunity
of education but even a street lad find it hard to compose the sentence you
foully utter...
Again, it should read: I am sure that you sir may not
have had an opportunity at education which explains why you're capable of
uttering that foul sentence which even a street lad would have difficulty
composing.
By now, I'm appalled by the standard of your English and
feel that your Cambridge education is an expensive waste of time.
A Cambridge education does not equal success or respect.
It is quite evident that no one replied you respectfully even though you claim
to be a Cambridge alumni. All you have is a cert. The members of this forum
might give their workshop mechanic more respect than they would ever give you --
a Cambridge alumni.
And I guess that's because the workshop mechanic is
secure enough, he knows what he is and does not try to be what he's not.
Friendship is built on mutual trust and respect for each
other. What is friendship, if all you want is to dominate and be superior to
your friends? Worse still, if you try to gain respect by lying about something
e.g. a Cambridge education.
A friend would not care if you were educated in
greenbridge, coldbridge or whatever bridge. Why are you so inadequate that you
need to start a thread asking for Cambridge alumni? What are you trying to prove
by starting this? That you're better than the rest of us because you came from a
reputable university?
So what if someone else puts their name down? Are you
gonna start comparing faculties with them?
It is also very childish to put people down with your
alleged Cambridge qualifications. Why don't you go to a facebook group which
connects Cambridge alumni and start comparing with them? Because you can't.
You're the black sheep of Cambridge and they're ashamed to acknowledge you as
one of their own. You have no achievements to speak of and nothing to be proud
of except your Cambridge cert.
Hahaha at least the workshop mechanic
has works he can be proud of.

Than the joker said:

Can see that she from very high standard of education back ground. Other
forum mate F me, i straight away from reading knows what it's about.
GrumpyQueen's one i have to read like 4-5 times then i know i am kanna F.

Than in between the joker said something about him not wanting to use his intelligence else some people will think he's a show-off. Of which some member replied:

Grumpyqueen already thought of you so. . . . .

My reply?

No la, why would I think of him as a show-off? What is he supposed to show off?
You cannot show off what you don't have.

And while I'm at it, might as well think of more ways to whack the fella. I selected this classic quote of his.

Upz for GrumpyQueen... Can see that she from very high standard of education
back ground.

To which I replied...

How can you call me educated? I did not have the opportunity to waste
taxpayers/parents money at a distinguished university like you did. The only
Cambridge I can be alumni of is probably Cambridge Language School.

But still, whatever Cambridge I go to, I'd make full use of the opportunity given to
me. I'd work hard to thank my parents/taxpayers for investing so much in my
education. I won't come to a CAR FORUM to show off my alleged Cambridge
qualifications.

We are all uneducated peasants. We don't have the luxury
of being as highly educated as you are, to be alumni of a school which has
produced ministers, PMs, doctors and what-nots.

That's why we're here, because we (poor uneducated peasants) are only interested in our tiny fit/jazz,
one that we have to scrimp and save to buy. It's not worth a lot, and your
fellow Cambridge mates can probably buy 5 of those with their monthly salaries.

But at least we are in the right place. At least we know what we are. We
drive fit/jazz and that's that. We are happy to drive whatever we are driving.
We don't make up stories about having a lamborghini in our garage when all we
have is a fit/jazz parked downstairs a HDB block.

Be who you are and say what you feel. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. I really think it's quite pathetic of you to try and impress a bunch of strangers--people who don't even care if you live or die.

I only got 1 conclusion. I'm too free. But it's been a long time since I whack people whack until so shiok le. He's just a stranger, someone who doesn't care if I live or die. Which is why I picked on him to use as a punching bag. :p

2009-07-20T23:24:00.002+08:00

I seemed to have lost the knack for writing. I just don't know what to write anymore.

Adv dip is a lot of fun. Keep going ard, jiak buffet, jiak ba ba. Sooner or later am gonna balloon up.

Other than cursing people and scolding them, I guess I got nth good to say.

Attending keyboard classes+pop vocals. SO damn excited that I'm finally doing something/attending some class to improve myself and work towards my refined self.

*ahem*

I AM educated, I AM refined. It's just that it's very easy to shout "NAHBEH! CUT MY LANE!" instead of, "oh my goodness gracious me, what a rude fella. How could he cut in without signalling?"

Please la, I must zham brake, must horn (if PMS-ing or if the idiot really pissed me off), where got time to form constructive and refined sentences?

But I know no guy likes such a unrefined and crude woman for a gf. I'm trying, trying to be as gentle as possible, trying to have good table manners. But I'm also not very smart, need more time to learn new tricks. I'm not an old dog la, just a not so smart one. :p

2009-07-07T00:02:00.002+08:00

I'm so bloody auntie these days. Just followed mum to the supermarket, was choosing fresh milk. I went and dig for the ones which are behind so they're colder. I really can't stand my auntie mindset.

2009-06-10T20:43:00.002+08:00

I think some SG drivers either were not taught how to use their brakes at school or perhaps they just have faulty brakes? Or maybe they have prob differentiating between accel and brakes?

Anyway, I decided to teach one guy who looked like he has small balls a good lesson on using his brakes.

I looked in the mirror, hmm...he's not going too fast for me to cut in. Signalled and started moving in gradually, the fucker sped up. I don't care, I wanna get in and I WILL get in. Squeezed my butt in, he honked, high beamed me.

After that not enough, the small balls guy overtook me on the left, went in front and show middle finger. Nabeh! Laoniang need to turn right, if u don't let me cut in, how the fuck am I going to turn right?

The thing I don't get about sg drivers is this...why would they rather speed up then to brake and allow me to cut in? I mean, how many seconds will u waste? If he had the mental capacity to high beam, honk, overtake, wind window to show middle finger, why don't he just brake and allow me to move in the lane? Easier right or not? Less stress, less energy used.

2009-06-03T21:36:00.002+08:00

I've got a really soft spot for hondas and toyotas. When I started driving and was not steady enough, I always followed toyotas to get out of jams, they change lanes, I also change. And I always came out of jams virtually unscathed. So I started viewing them as "guardian angels."

I've got an especially soft spot for hondas, particularly the fit, since I drive one! And honda drivers seem to be around when I'm in trouble, lost my way or don't know how to top up my cashcard.

Just today, I was trying to use those self service top up machines. I usually top up at 7-eleven so I have no idea how this damn thing works! There was this honda driver there who taught me how to use it and am really grateful for his help.

Sports cars can just go screw themselves, cab drivers can screw lorry drivers and lastly people who think their suzuki is really damn fast and cool can go screw their exhaust.

I'm still finding "favourite car drivers." I actually think driving a certain car reflects one's character.

Honda&Toyota: Practical, down to earth (cos of the good FC the cars offer.)
Sports cars: Egoistical men with very small balls
Suzuki swift: I haven't come up with descriptions for them.

Either join me in adding descriptions, ignore me or prove me wrong. Tata for now.

Too busy to blog

2009-06-02T17:43:00.002+08:00

Starting school kinda of saved my life, took my mind off the breakup. Back to normal now.

Oh ya, my license turned 1 year old on 27th may. Was so damn happy but yea, prob gonna put the P plate forever. I know I get honked at with the P plate la, but it's like my guardian angel, people also scared to play with me. Muahahahaa.

Nabeh that day kenna honked at by this sportscar with an ugly driver. The nerve of him to honk at me when he's so ugly. If I were him, I'd sell the sports car and hide at home, stupid lao ah beng. Nobody asked u to buy sports car, nobody said with a sports car it'll entitle u to speed, if u need to speed, just go to M'sia or something la.

Wanna speed what has it got to do with me? Nabeh, am already on the left lane how much faster must I go?

Anyway went to the food fair at Expo on 2 diff days. I tell u, the amount of coffee companies they have there...

Went to each coffee counter and each was promoting their own brand so each had their own sample. Tried all the samples and before long, I realised that I already got my coffee fix for the day. I don't mean to be so cheapo, all I did was stand around and they'd offer you a sample.

Ok I need to study for test and do proj, really sian.

SG Flyer + Batam trip

2009-05-06T20:18:00.003+08:00

I've been super lazy these days. Haven't filed my notes, just uploaded my Batam trip and SG Flyer pics on FB.

A few unhappy things happened recently. I really think this adv dip came at a right time. For without it, I might lose my mind.

Like I said on FB, love yourself, you're all you've got. How can you expect someone to love you if you yourself hate yourself? Ok. Enough said. The pics!

This pic is my fave!

Those who went

Emo pic. Must-have.

Lao pai pic. Another must have.

Batam trip.

My fave pic from the Batam trip

2009-04-19T22:01:00.003+08:00

I went on the Flyer today. Pics another day. I'm here to rant.

Basically went into this shop for dinner. I stepped in, was told I have to fill up my own order form and make payment at the cashier. Very self service, machiam Ikea's style.

So happily paid at the cashier and can you imagine my shock when I saw that they were gonna charge me 10% service charge? The nerve of them! Where is the service, may I ask?

I ranted to my sister and friend who was there with me. Basically all of us were not happy with the service charge thing but we just swallowed it.

Next, I remembered that I didn't request for no breast meat for my chicken rice. I went to the counter and asked them to make a note.

"Oh, but your chicken rice is ready." And there was a plate of chicken rice staring at me with chunks of breast meat in it.

I politely asked them to change it because it was my mistake I didn't tell them earlier.

After a few minutes, the chicken rice came back with drumstick as requested. And I just left the food there without touching it while waiting for the rest of the food to come.

Then after another few minutes, the waiter came and said, "Miss, is it ok if we charge you another 60cents for the drumstick."

I flipped. What do you mean is it ok? Of course it's not ok la, you stupid dickhead!

"First you charged us a 10% service charge and I even had to go to the counter to order my stuff. Where is the service? Now, you're charging me 60 cents for requesting for drumstick. "

"Oh because normally we give all the customers breastmeat, if they want to request for any other parts, we will charge them 60 cents for it."

"Where in the menu is stated that I have to pay 60 cents to request for drumstick?"

And to call that piece of paper a menu is a joke. They don't even have menus, we can't even see what the dish looks like. That paper is just an order form, no pics, nothing.

So anyway, I think I scared the guy a bit. He said he'll check it out for me and later came back and told me to forget about the 60 cents.

Under normal circumstances I would have shut up and paid the stupid 60 cents. But from the time I stepped into the Flyer place, I just thought that it was an overrated and overpriced ride. Yes, the view was lovely, yes we enjoyed taking pictures up there but..

For something as iconic as the biggest ferris wheel in the world, one would expect to receive service comparable to the service received at Changi Airport. Their service was not bad, it's just not remarkable.

Everytime I return from a holiday, I'm always proud of the service I get at Changi Airport and I really think we deserve to be the no.1 airport in the world. This ferris wheel may be the biggest, possibly one of the most expensive but definitely not one of the best.

Suicide and all that jazz

2009-04-12T23:30:00.003+08:00

I did a bit of thinking recently and came up with some thoughts that I realise might cause a bit of controversy. Skip this post if you're a staunch follower of any religion or have taken a fixed and moral stand on suicide.

Consider this statement.

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

Simply put, someone who commits suicide might not want to die, they just want to stop living the life that they're living now because it's too painful.

Your problems won't disappear just because you're dead but I guess it's the only method a trapped individual in a lot of pain can think of at that time.

Some people can take more pain and some less but I guess it's fair to say that most individuals, at their breaking points would have had suicidal thoughts.

Everyone is born with the instinct to protect themselves and not to self destruct. So I guess for someone to think of ending their lives, they must be in a lot of shit and can do without your criticisms and moral lectures. If you cannot pull them up, at least don't contribute in pushing them over the ledge.

I'm not God, or the Pope, or some other religious head. I'm not here to change the views of the society on suicide. I'm just sick of people who condemn others for choices they've made just because they haven't stepped into their individual's shoes and walked one mile in it.

Of course it's easy to stand on a platform with a holy book in your hand and preech away. And I think one can do that if,

1) one lacks empathy
2) has everything going for them that they won't breakdown and won't know what pain is.
3) one is living in denial.

I would go on about abortion and abandoning babies and whatever not but I guess it is the same theory. Try to empathise but if you really can't, shut up. People already know how holy and religious you are and how high your moral standards are so you don't have to prove it.

And lastly, it's none of your fucking business how someone wants to run their life anyway. Of course, it's none of my business that some people are born preechers and more moral than the rest of us poor sinners but who asked you to read up till here anyway?

2009-04-07T21:34:00.002+08:00

There is no reason why you can't pick up the pieces and walk again. People who're not as smart, who're uglier, who're older and poorer have done it.

You have so much more in you, yours is not the worst of problems. Stand up, walk and live.

Love yourself, you're all you've got.

2009-04-03T00:06:00.002+08:00

This it is. My new haircut. I'm finally satisfied.

Been sick of myself, my face, my life, my everything for a while now.

And I guess this pic says it all. How I can be so satisfied with life yet so dissatisfied.

2009-03-09T08:24:00.002+08:00

I heard 3 comments about the mentally ill that got me really bothered. Mind you, they came from health professionals.

Comment 1: Do you like put drips for psy patients?

The above came from a doctor. I was like, duh?! They're human and I don't see why anyone would have the impression that someone with a mental illness should be deprived of any form of treatment for physical problems. Even prisoners must be given medical treatment, what more someone whose ill through no fault of theirs.

Comment 2: She's a psychiatric patient.. otherwise she won't be here.

The above comment came from a close relative of a patient who is also a nurse. Basically wants us to baby the patient because the patient because she thinks the patient is not capable of following simple instructions and restricting herself to 2 litres of fluids every day. And by the way, we're talking about a relavent and sensible patient here.

She didn't explicitly say it, but from the conversation with her, that's what I gathered.

Comment 3: She's a psy patient, you believe her?

This happened when one patient was transferred from a certain ward to my ward. The patient realised she left her comb in the old ward and wants me to call that ward to get the comb back. This comment came from the staff when I explained the situation and requested that they check the patient's locker for the comb.

This is not an old lady with dementia, she's at most a little depressed. She's young, educated and holds a decent job, why shouldn't I believe her?

*bitter laugh*

I'm fucking sick of it all.

2009-03-05T20:40:00.002+08:00

Listen up, all you earthlings. I had enough.

I'm exhausted. I'm sick of working 9 fucking nights in one month and I'll be working another 6 nights next month.

I just want to sleep for days on end. I'm sick of throwing myself off the bed at 5:30 am or forcing myself to stay awake at 4 am in the morning by drinking loads of coffee while the rest of the world's snoring away. I'm also sick of afternoon shifts because they're right smack in the middle and destroy your whole fucking day.

And if that's not enough, I stop at a traffic light, the light's still red and the cars in front are still stationary and this guy who looks like he has a small dick starts honking away.

Just wait la, it's not like as if people can move if you start honking!

What is this? A protest against traffic lights?!

I dare him la, just ram through all those cars and pay all the damages. But I bet he doesn't have the balls to do it. Brain small, no balls and small dick. Pathetic loser.

The irony of it all is, my life has not been better. I get along with my family, a sweet bf, finally quite steady in the workplace..

It's the tiny, insignificant stuff that's smothering me. I can't breathe.

Enough said.

Want to screw your hair up?

2009-02-19T21:33:00.002+08:00

Then ask me for the address of the shop I last went to. And I'll strongly recommend this chao ah lian with purple hair.

I've never ever been to that shop. And I'll never ever go back there after today. This 10 bucks is probably the only thing they'll earn from me.

1. Very slipshod work. My fringe was not properly done and when I wanted her to cut it the way I intended it to be, she went, "Your fringe cannot cut like that, your parting like that can't change, unless you rebond lor, then can kiap the thing and change the parting."

And the nerve of her to talk in that chao ah lian voice of hers.

You go and eat your own shit la. Knn. What do you mean my parting can't be changed unless I rebond? I've gone to so many hairstylists, including $10 shops and the stylists always manage to change my parting to whatever I want without even blowing my hair with a hairdryer.

You call yourself a hairstylist? Pui!

And when I told her it was done before, she just blatantly rolled her beady eyes at me and went on and on about how my parting has been there for a long time and cannot be changed.

When my fringe grows longer, the hair automatically parts itself, stupid fool. You cannot expect someone to go about with fringe falling all over their faces right?

Anyway, my hair only just started parting itself about 1 month ago and I don't think that's very long...

2. Very task orientated and very little input from her. In other words, she doesn't give a fucking shit about my hair. I bet you, if I said shave bald, she won't even bat and eyelid and just shave away.

3. Her attitude is just very poor lor. I just can't stand her chao ah lian attitude, machiam think she's so cool with her stupid purple hair and very short fringe.

I think hairstylists should learn that whatever they do can affect someone's confidence for the next 3 months or so. You screw up someone's head because you're PMS-ing, it will mean 3 months of misery for someone. And what about those people whose hair grows really slowly?

You know, thank God I have to tie up my hair most of the time. And thank God I'm not ugly like fuck. If not, with a stupid hairstyle like this, I'll probably look like Frankenstein.

But that doesn't give her the excuse to screw my hair up like that.

2009-02-07T22:37:00.002+08:00

I'm really sick and tired of people finding fault with this cute thing. It's not the fastest car, it's not the most expensive, not some limited edition car but it's a good car for NORMAL use.

Damn it, I'm not a race chick, and do I look like an ambulance driver? And stop telling me about the fact that this car doesn't have a spare tyre and only a tyre repair kit.

Look, even if you gave me a spare tyre, which part of my face look like I know/would change the punctured tyre?

Random note: I was just honked half to death by a cabbie in the carpark.

Nabeh, I was finding a place to park. No space to park so I was basically circling around. And this taxi behind was just tailgating me and honking at me.

1. He's also looking for a parking spot, but honking at me won't help free a parking spot, it's not like as if I had a spot and taking my own sweet time to park! I also don't have lot, also looking ma!

2. He wants to leave the carpark and I'm blocking his way. But there's nothing I can do right? The bloody carpark so narrow, no lot for me to reverse in, what you expect me to do?! In the end, when I reached the wider end of the carpark, I just went to one corner and let him overtake me. Overtake already still can stare at me.

knn. I want to park of course I drive slowly la, then speed around the carpark meh?

I regretted not taking down his license plate and complaining. That's the thing about me, I get so angry, I forget about revenge.

I honestly really hate taxi drivers. Time and time again, they cut in your lane without signal, force you to jam brake, honk at you when you do the same to them. They should disable horns in taxis, really abusing the horns I tell you!

I will make it my mission to hone up my skills and teach those dickheads a damn good lesson.

blog of a hypocrite

2009-02-02T13:55:00.005+08:00

Wasted time bothering about hypocrites/holier-than-thous. Got myself tangled in their web of hypocrisy. I openly rolled my eyes at the holier-than-thous.

But then again, whatever you condemn, you've done so yourself. Just as they have labelled me whatever they want, I have labelled them hyprocrites/holier-than-thous. I cannot judge them without putting myself in that category of hypocrites first.

*bitter laugh*

And I'm the biggest hypocrite/holier-than-thou. Because I've condemned people for being a hypocrite while being one myself. The next time I point, I'll be sure to clean my finger first.

That said, I reserve my right to feel disgusted by your holier-than-thou attitude. No, I'm not judging, my disgust for you is a reflex, I cannot help it. I'm not saying you can't continue being a holier-than-thou, I'm just saying I'm disgusted, that's all.

Watch out girl, and watch those lackeys of yours. Don't forget to chain that toy breed dog of yours up too. And tell them not to bark in my backyard, thanks a lot.

2009-02-01T16:38:00.002+08:00

The soul of a fabulous parker must have possessed me today.

Am driving almost daily now. And you have no idea how much trouble I've caused.

I can't park to save my life initially. Once, I drove to my aunt's house and took 20 bloody mins to park. Nearly bua the kerb, nearly hit the side mirror of a van and blocked the carpark for a few mins.

I'm what you call a public nuisance.

I'm still not that good, but at least I now take under 5 mins to park.

Today, I took only 1 minute to park.

*Gleeful claps*

Why do you think I said the soul of a fabulous parker possessed me?

Just because you can't park doesn't mean you can't learn. If you keep running away from driving, you'll never learn.

I'll never forget the times when I was pespiring like mad, close to tears and still got gundu honking at me for blocking their way.

Once, I just reached the lot, was trying to park. And I swear I was almost done when this gundu black car came and honked at me. Thought I was gonna hit him but no. Anyway, at that time I was still not confident enough, I just drove off to look for another lot. My dad was like "why you go? Almost done already what!"

*bitter laugh*

Turns out that guy with rotten balls wanted the lot. We saw him taking that lot after I left.

But I also met some good drivers. One Mercedes driver asked if I needed help. Maybe his kid also just passed his/her driving...

And that's for parking.

The first time I drove independently on the expressway, I drove on the left lane, behind a van at 60km/h.

And people laughed.

*shrugs*

1. I was not a road hazard, I was not road hogging. I was scared to drive fast, the best I could do was to follow a slow vehicle instead of trying to overtake him. It's not my fault the vehicle in front of me is slow!

2. I was on the left lane, I was not crawling on a fast lane.

If the behind cars buay song, you're always free to overtake. LOL. On hindsight, there was no one behind us (the van and me.)

When I was on my L plate, I swore never to honk at L plates when they stall at junctions when I get my license.

Now, I'll be like the nice mercedes driver. When I'm an expert parker, I'll help those poor things struggling away at carparks.

Although by the time I met that nice driver, I was already quite familiar with parking and didn't need his help, I really appreciated his offer.

And to that guy with rotten balls: Thanks for that honk, thanks for snatching my lot. Because that really made me work on my parking. One day, I will be good enough to fight with this kinda of uncle parkers for parking lots. My car is smaller than yours, if you wanna squeeze, who can squeeze better?

One day, my parking will be better than this guy with rotten balls. You parked under one minute, but your car was jutting out of the lot, it was not in the center and it's not even straight.

After so long, I'm surprised you only mastered the skill of snatching carpark lots from P platers.

Someday, I'll beat you in your own backyard. You wait and see!

*slaps forehead*

I should have memorised his car plate number. Whoever that's bad in parking can practise parking beside him. Hit his car also don't need to feel bad. Then leave a note and blame him for not being in the center of the lot.

*evil laugh*

2009-01-26T00:28:00.002+08:00

I will learn how to park properly and not jam the whole bloody carpark up. I don't get it. If we're gonna park without poles in the first place, why the hell do they teach us to park with poles?

If you wanna teach parking with poles, make sure every single damn carpark in singapore has poles.

I'm very depressed now, I feel like I've gone back to my L plate days.

There's so much more to life then spending your days making sure your car is in the center of the lot. I just wanna get the stupid car in, get the hell out of the carpark and live a life. Not spend something like 20 mins driving to where I wanna go, another 15 mins parking and making a fool of myself.

But I will not give up. You never fail until you stop trying.

I choose beggers to donate to!

2009-01-21T21:43:00.002+08:00

Coming from a nurse, this is a very uncompassionate thing to say.

Some people shouldn't be helped at all!

I was on my way back from work today so obviously I was still in uniform. Suddenly there was this guy at the opposite side of the road smiling at me. I thought:

1) He was one of my patient or patient's relative
2) He was smiling at someone behind me.

As he got closer, I realised I don't know him at all so it must be the second option. So just ignore him and walk lor. But then it became apparent that he WAS smiling at me cos he got closer and closer and was REALLY smiling at me!!!

Then he asked me to help him, he got no money to take bus home, he never eat for 2 days and so on...

The moment he spoke, his breath smelt of alcohol.

And you tell me, someone who has no money to eat or take bus home will be so clean meh? Still got alcohol breath some more!

But he kept on pestering me like a sickening housefly and I kept telling him "I don't have, I don't have..."

He was like "Huh?" As if I look friggin rich to him.

Then I just told him "I don't have change."

"Ok, give me your coins then, do you have coins?"

Wah! Machiam robbery ah!

I just took out 70 cents to get rid of him.

And you know what the bugger asked?

"That's all? You got anymore change?"

Please la! It's because of my uniform that you're getting this 70cents and you got the good cheek to ask for more? Stupid dickhead.

If I weren't in uniform, he prob won't even get 5cents! I don't want people to snap pictures of me refusing to help a begger and post it on stomp. Though, I doubt it's gonna do any harm.

Nurses are just salaried workers, it's not like we're nuns or something. People expect nurses to be kind and gentle angels but I guess that doesn't really happen.

It's like we expect a construction worker to be rough and boorish but whoever said they can't be an accomplished musician and a construction worker?

Look, I'm not gonna pretend to be kind and all. I choose people to give to. Go ahead, cast stones at me and curse me. What? We're supposed to feed people's addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling and what-not? We're supposed to 'donate' to the 'poor' to buy drugs and alcohol?

Look at those people selling charity tickets, the charity shows. You think all these people work for free? The printing guy, the advertisers, the organisers? All these all no need to eat ah?

These people make a living from charity. I'm not saying they take all the donations but let's say one pays $5 for a charity ticket, maybe half goes to these people?

And no, it's not wrong to make money from selling charity tickets. After all, I make money from the misfortunes of others. If people don't get sick, there will be no jobs for us right?

LOL. But don't make it seem as if you're doing this for free. It's not wrong to make money from charity shows or selling charity tickets. But please do not exploit the compassion of the donors by claiming to be 'volunteers' selling tickets. Please be honest by saying that you're working for the organisation. Same goes for those monkeys doing stunts on charity shows. I don't believe they'd do it for free.

How would you like if you walked in to a hospital and the nurses and doctors gave you the impression that they were doing this for free, out of their own kind heart and not for a salary?

No, I'm not saying doctors and nurses are so money faced all the time. There are those who volunteer themselves, go for mission trips and what not, but they don't do that 365 days a year, without a dime right? If anything, they need to eat, no matter how kind they may be. Same goes for these 'volunteers' who sell charity tickets.

Which is why I don't believe in buying charity tickets. And you won't catch me buying unless I'm forced to. Neither do I donate to people with limbs working perfectly, smelling of alcohol and begging for money to go home. If I could, I would have given him a kick and shamed him.

That 70cents was not donated, I was forced to give. I certainly hope I won't be his nurse one day, my guts would turn inside out. He is, in my opinion a waste of taxpayers money and menace to society. I'd have little or no sympathy for him if he should drop dead one day. Good riddance to him if that day comes, you reap what you sow, asshole.

X mas 2008

2009-01-06T23:05:00.003+08:00

New year was so-so. I was supposed to be on night shift over the new year. I was already preparing a foam party with the fire extinguisher when my boss told me that there was an error and someone else was supposed to do the night instead. So someone else did the night and I did afternoon instead.

Still not as perfect as a day off but better than what I expected.

X mas was fun. I managed to get a few day offs. Anyway, these are some pics of my X mas.

Me. Deluded as ever. Ever ready to pose for a pic, showing off my X mas outfit and boots.

Me with the goddaughter. I think I look so 'mummified' here.

The missy cousins.

This year there will be no resolutions because I don't keep them anyway. I think the only one I kept was to wear more pink.

But last year was all in all a very eventful year.

1. I graduated.
2. Started working and earning a salary.
3. Turned 20.
4. Failed my driving
5. Then passed it. =)
6. Made new friends.
7. Kept in touch with the old
8. Decided not to keep in touch with some.
9. Friendships were tested, survived.
10. Looked at someone in another light. =)

I stubbornly refused to see the faults of some, the goodness of others and refused to see others from another angle. 2008 taught me to do just that. And when I did, I made some of the best decisions and I'm very happy now. Happier than ever.

Anyway, I secretly hate odd years. I hope I don't screw up 2009.

2008-12-05T19:09:00.002+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, yours truly finally drove after 6 months of passing. :D

And on the expressway some more! Although the expressway was reasonably quite empty and I didn't realise I was on the expressway until I came out of it. Hiyah, but still, it's still quite a mean feat la.

That said, I think driving a manual is still better la. It's like with an auto, you just don't know what to do with that one leg which is supposed to be on the clutch, what to do with the hand that's supposed to shift gears and your mind tends to wander since you got nothing much to do.

But for me, you can only trust me with a manual car only if you have one good driver beside me.

And do not mention new year to me. Or whatever shit foam party at Sentosa, I will friggin chew your head off cos yours truly is working night shift on new year's eve and new year's day.

So exciting right?

Those with the misfortune of being in hospital for new year's day, we'll have the foam party there. One group of miserable people celebrating away.

*bitter laugh*

One mad old and rude fart

2008-11-22T21:39:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, was at the hawker center with my dad. You know how the hawker center setup is right? Rows and rows of round tables with space enough for one person or so.

So common sense will have us both walking one behind the other right?

Which is what I did but I have to keep turning back to watch where my dad's going right?

So just as I was looking behind every few seconds and talking to him, I bumped into someone.

My immediate and I believe every normal and sane person's reaction is to apologise, whether or not it is your fault.

And I was just about to do that when this rude fart went, "You don't know how to look where you're going ar?"

What a rude and mad looking lady. So old but so rude!

Actually not that old la, she looked at most 60.

Already had a bad day, hungry and now I have this mad woman barking at me.

Couldn't help but retort back, "then you yourself never look!"

Then she said some of the lamest shit in the whole of Singapore's history.

"I was looking at the chairs ma!"

With that, she walked off, looking more mad than ever.

Please la, crazy woman. You look at the chair for what? Gold ah?

But I'll never forget that look of shock on her face. It's like she thought she was mad to shout at someone instead of apologising, little did she expect this girl to be madder--she retorted back.

Stupid twits!

2008-11-21T17:08:00.002+08:00

One big twit!

One small twit aka bitch.

I got nothing much to say about the big twit la. Since he earned his stripes and can now afford to be cocky. But still he should at least be polite and impartial right? How can he just cover his junior's backside at the expense of someone else? Covering his junior's backside on another unrelated occasion. Not only that, rude some more! This time he's only slightly unfriendly la.

Never mind about him for now, the stupid small twit; inefficient, whiny and just pre-occupied with tiny unimportant matters.

All she does is hide behind the big twit's backside and run all over the shop looking for stuff that were placed right under her nose. And the nerve of her to accuse me of not preparing the stuff for her.

Look, it's not the first time doctors ask for stuff that are placed in front of them.

*pukes* To call these 2 unfriendly twits doctors is just so insulting to the med profession.

Ok, like I was saying, never mind if you ask for stuff, but can you ask for it nicely?

"How's that you all do not put the case notes and charts together during rounds?"

Your backside la! Can't you see that ALL the patients have their charts and notes together. Maybe you should open your goldfish eyes to look?

But still I helped her, cos she looked quite distressed and I know how afraid she must be of that big twit who might give her a big time scolding behind closed doors.

So in the end, she found those charts right under the big twit's nose and sheepishly said, "oh it's ok, found already."

Then, when the big twit left, this small twit became one big time bitch. At first I thought she was only eager to hide behind that big twit's backside and a bit inefficient. But this bitch began to pick on us. Some blood test was not done and this twit insisted that it was our fault when we were not the one who pricked the patient.

She kept on asking us to call the night nurse to find out what happened. People sleeping la, you dope-head.

And it's not even her bloody fault the night doctor didn't do what she's (night doctor) supposed to do right? So how come you don't call the night doctor to ask why she ordered the blood but didn't take?

Ok, so she was going on and on about how she has to poke the patient another time, how stupid is it not to have done the test the first time around and blah blah blah.

Please la, if it was her fault this happened, would she have said the same thing? Or if we know for sure it's the fault of the night doctor, would the big twit have covered for her?

Besides, would it help matters, if we know who's fault is it? Blood not taken, period. We have to do what we need to do.

And so finally she angrily walked to the patient to take the blood. Well, if she had been nicer, we'd have done it for her and saved her all the trouble. Heck, we'll even apologise because doctors are bad at apologising. :p

After that, with that bitchy attitude of hers, she angrily walked out of the ward and said, without looking at me, "CALL ME IF THE BLOOD RESULTS ARE ABNORMAL."

You talking to dog ar? CCB. *pui*

And so, I called her to inform her of the ABNORMAL results. And despite all that she's done, I still politely greeted her on the phone and spoke to her. And guess what the bitch did? She didn't even say "ok" or "sure" or anything to acknowledge me, SHE SLAMMED THE BLOODY PHONE DOWN ON ME!!!"

KNN! CCB! I killed her grandfather or what? Don't need to say thank you la, even a simple ok or "hmm" would suffice. Dont tell me she might be in a bloody emergency. Even if she was half dead, gasping for air also can say "ya" right?

This kind of inefficient and cocky doctors, one day if they screw up, I'll feel sorry for the patient but I'll never feel sorry if they've to lose their license. I'll even point and laugh.

Moral of the story: You wanna be cocky, be efficient, be good enough to be able to function alone and manage the patient on your own.

2008-11-20T00:38:00.001+08:00

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs do not play games with you ----except fetch
(and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
You can force a dog to take a bath.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither do dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

Men only have two feet to track in mud.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men open their own cans.
Dogs have dog breath ALL the time
Men can do math stuff.
Holiday Inns accept men.
Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.

2008-11-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

Screw the selfish twits la. Anyhow anyhow happily take MC like it's their birth right. Stupid sickly imbecile, now some innocent person has to take over their duty and cancel on people. But more importantly, I think some people just have the words "hey ask me to do extra duty la, I very free!" carved across their foreheads. Otherwise, how come they always get called back to do extra duty?

Was so bloody angry just now I could have killed a tiger with my bare hands. It's not the fault of the person who cancels on people because of such things, I know.

I just needed a good rant before I explode. kthxbye.

I speak Mandarin selectively!

2008-11-17T12:37:00.002+08:00

A bloody cheena piang just called me asking if I know how to speak Mandarin. Something like that happened to me before and I stupidly spoke to her in Mandarin.

So I was stuck with her, and her endless number of questions.

She asked what was my occupation and I didn't feel like telling her anyway. Made it sound like it was something shameful.

Boy, she was damn persistant la. But I perservered and she had no choice but to ask for my name only.

I told her it was Chen Xin Yi. kuakua

Don't asked me how come I just pluck this name for her la.

I told her Chen Xiu Yi, which is actually my chinese name what. But I suppose she's half deaf and heard it as Xin Yi.

Not my fault! Neh nanny neh neh!

And at least I didn't give some stupid chinese compo name like Chen Xiao Li lor! Or Chen Kua Kua. Or Chen Lan Jiao.

This time I'm a little smarter. She kept on asking if I know how to speak Mandarin in Mandarin. And I just kept asking "who is this ar? Who is this ar?" in English.

Was pretty funny though, the more English I spoke, the more anxious she became, as if her life depended on this stupid call.

The last one asked me to go to some sale which probably sounds suspicious enough. If it's legitimate, why do you have to know my occupation, age and name? To assess how much you can con me off? Why can't you give out flyers to promote this sale shit?

Maybe this one's calling to ask why I didn't go. :p

As if I've got nothing better to do than to sit around all day waiting to go for such sales and get conned.

Even if I went, they're probably selling clothes that'll make me look like a China prostitute.

Already I've got screwed up hair that can make me look like a mad woman if not handled properly, and still they wanna make me look like a china prostitute. These evil little twits!

Someone give me a knock!

2008-11-16T22:36:00.003+08:00

Bloody hell, I don't know what the hell possessed me. I happily spent $188 to look like a freak.

Next time, just stick to my good old rebonding.

It's been 2 days since I got those stupid curls, and I took 21, TWENTY ONE pictures to try and look nice. And frankly, all of them sucked and only these 2 are probably good enough not to make anyone puke.

It actually looked okay when I came home from the salon, as you can see from the first pic. But this morning when I woke up, I took 1.5 hours trying to fix this disaster. Nothing I did worked and at last, I had no choice but to leave the house in this act cute taiwanese hair.

*rolls eyes*

Don't asked me how I walked around in this hair la, I really don't know. The same ghost that possessed me to do this shit to myself must have possessed me to give me the strength to believe it's ok to walk around looking like that.

Anyway, I'm going to make a statement today. The next time I have the audacity to suggest something like curl my hair, just knock my head until I come to my senses. Temporary curls by professionals for makeovers should not count.

I do not deserve this kinda of curls. Like seriously, the amount of work required is scary. And I'm so scared if I don't maintain my hair properly, they'll have the texture of my pubic hair then how?

And screw that salon that did my hair. I seem to have most of my worst hairstyles from them.

2008-11-15T22:26:00.003+08:00

I'm a little bored and mad now so I shall rant about the stupid guy who jumped into the tiger's enclosure and got killed.

Some people are asking for the tigers to be put down.

And what did the poor tigers do, may I ask?

And whoever asked the stupid guy to jump into their enclosure?

I read the guy was a little unstable before he died. Yes, it is unfortunate he died because of a problem deemed "unsolvable" by him. But why are we punishing the tiger for reacting the way a tiger should act?

How should we protect our species from being eaten up by tigers in the zoo? Can we pluck out all of the tiger's teeth and train the tiger to be vegetarian?

Or perhaps, we make the tiger go to school la! Make it take university degree and teach it right and wrong.

*rolls eyes*

If this guy jumped from a block of HDB flats, are we gonna blow up that block of flats? If he used a flowerpot/stool/bench outside someone's flat to help him in the jump, should we charge the owner of the flowerpot/stool/bench for murder and hang them?

If he bought rat poison to poison himself, do we hunt the shopkeeper down and charge him?

Today someone jumped into a tiger's enclosure and died. We put the tigers down. Fine.

Tmr someone jumps into the bear's enclosure and gets killed. Bears get put down.

Next week someone jumps into the path of an elephant and gets trampled to death. Put elephants down.

What will become of the zoo? Are we gonna have dogs, cats and hamsters in our zoos only?

It's not even about the zoo not having enough "protocols for safety." Remember what I said about having idiot proof SOPs in place? Some idiot will always manage to fall between the cracks.

I say it's most unfortunate this guy and so many others commit suicide in one way or another. But it's even more sad society doesn't go to the root cause but punishes some innocent being in a desperate attempt to make ourselves feel as if we're doing something about it.

Victoria

2008-11-10T16:33:00.002+08:00

I never thought it'll hurt so much, when I thought she died.

On this same blog, I wished I could strangle her to death with my bare hands, I wished I could kill her with those shit stained hands. And now I'd hold those hands daily, I'd stroke her cheek, I'd irritate her half to death so that I'd get at least half of her back. Bad tempered but nonetheless fiesty self back.

I came into psy med thinking I don't have to face that many deaths. Well, that's quite true. But who would have guessed that when one psy patient dies or deteriorates, it'll hurt much more than when a medical patient deteriorates. Not to say medical patients are less of a human being but sometimes, our patients become family.

She came in, one patient from hell. Fiesty, loud and basically really irritating. She screamed, dug shit and made a nuisance of herself. Everyone was living on the brink of insanity with her non-stop shouting.

And now, this poor dear is sedated, sleeping most of the day, at our mercy for her every need.

Just what the hell have we done to her?

Have we done more harm than good even though our intention was to help?

How many lives have we destroyed but thought we helped?

Ok enough of this depressing shit.

Today, while trying to flag a cab down, this twit had the nerve to just walk right in front of me, like one metre in front of me to try snatch my cab. Stupid bastard, I really wished the engine malfunctions, heats the seats up and burns his arse and balls.

Thankfully, the cab he got was going to Pasir Ris for change of shift. And I got the cab which was rightfully mine.

While on my way to the canteen this crazy woman nearly crushed me with the lift door and it took a while for her to realise that I'm actually hurting. For a few seconds she just looked at me blankly, like what the hell was I trying to do, rubbing my elbows.

What did she think I was trying to do huh? Turn myself on by rubbing my elbows?! Stupid twit.

A rather interesting day. Enough said.

2008-11-07T09:58:00.003+08:00

Ok, so I'm done with my nights and blogging here at this ungodly hour when I should be sleeping.

My nights were ok I suppose, with one woman who...

First night: Drank 2 cups of milk and 1 cup of milo.

Second night: I forgot how many exactly but it was also something like my first night

Third night: Kept wads of toilet paper in her pocket to soak up her vaginal discharges, pestered me for an extra pyjamas just because she's afraid we will run out of pyjamas of her size. Also drank one cup of milk and one cup of milo and had the audacity to ask me for 3 packets of biscuits.

What a prune head.

1. Who the hell wears the Super size pyjamas except her anyway? Supersize is like larger than XXL! And even if she's gonna bathe like 20 times a day, am sure we'll have more than enough clothes for her la, why does she need to hoard them?

2. I think she wants her money back from some dieting programme. With an appetite like this, how the hell is she gonna lose weight? And she still has the good cheek to ask for her money back.

It's an illness. But when you're facing her, irritated from lack of sleep and she's still going on and on, really feel like throwing her in the trash can. When you've finally got the time to sit down and blog about it, it's kinda of funny actually.

And then I got another stupid woman who was snoring away happily on my second and third night and had the audacity to utter the words "I didn't sleep last night/sleep well"

You go and eat shit la. I had half a mind to give her one damn good kick on the arse while saying that, send her flying to Africa to sleep with the lions and get the sleep she so deserves.

2008-10-29T21:45:00.003+08:00

An organisation is just one bunch of incompetent fools put together. If you're smart enough, you'll find that SOPs( standard operating procedures) are just there to make things foolproof.

But you know what they say about fools being able to beat any system? ANY SYSTEM!

We cannot stop them, fools are everywhere.

And sometimes, these SOPs, protocols and whatever shit gets in the way.

All for what? If we can't get rid of fools anyway, why punish ourselves with these SOPs and whatnot?

People nagged at me in the past, I don't know what possessed me to join a profession who're like professional naggers.

I'm sorry if this post is not remotely funny. kthxbye.

2008-10-26T17:43:00.004+08:00

I swear if I can kill her with my bare hands I would.

If I can kill her using her shit stained hands, I would.

This stupid old lady is screaming every 30 seconds or so, throwing tantrums and making it seem as if we're abusing her. I'm not exaggerating, she can't keep her fucking mouth shut for more than 30 seconds.

What she shits, she plays with it. And the poor cleaner is almost half dead from all the cleaning.

The best part is, this joker can even smell her shit stained hands and tell me it's smelly. Well, tell me when your shit doesn't stink, lady.

Look, I know it's because she's not well. But you try facing this lady 8 hours a day, with her screaming every 30 seconds, playing with shit, walking around unsteadily. Try chasing after her, trying to meet her demands within 5 seconds else she'll scream her lungs out.

I'm surprised I still haven't lost my mind yet.

Even more surprised I haven't given up on this psy thing yet.

Update 7/11/08: This poor old lady is now really quiet and sleepy the whole day, a far cry from her usual self. I think she's ill. I never thought I'd say this but maybe, it's still better for her to scream and shout the whole day.

2008-10-24T14:39:00.004+08:00

I sometimes get so sick and tired of people who're so amused with me like I'm some monkey.

Just because I'm a nurse with some 1 day off a week, machiam fillipino maid does not make me an exhibit in the stupid zoo alright?

I've got half a mind to tell them I'm a dishwasher in a coffeeshop, just so they won't force me to tell them stories.

I know they're interested, but sometimes it gets on my nerves when
1) I'm not in the mood
2) they won't get the joke anyway.

I sometimes feel an obligation to entertain people, just like a clown in the circus.

I also feel an obligation to bite my tongue a little when insulting people.

And I tend to over-analyse.

But on a brighter note, I'm a happier child these days. :D

Deluded beyond cure part 2

2008-10-23T17:26:00.003+08:00

there...I am mad, I don't know how some people stand me!

17th oct 2008

2008-10-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

I'm a happy lil girl. I never thought it was possible. My whole life is probably an accident, the best things happen accidentally.

Accidents are not always bad. :D

2008-10-14T20:07:00.002+08:00

Finally, finally! I just flew solo for nights. i.e. did my night as the only in charge and no supervision from anyone.

Pretty scary, if you ask me. The whole time I worry if I'm gonna screw up, kill someone or someone might run away for their own safety.

Wasn't too bad, all 22 patients handed over to me survived.

My first night went relatively smoothly with everyone sleeping and behaving themselves. No admissions. I thought, good start.

Second night was terrible, with admissions, 1 or 2 wayangs going on.

Third night, which was last night, so so I guess.

Oh, and today, is the official day I turn 6 months as staff nurse. Woohoo!

These 6 months have been really eventful. If I had to choose again, I would probably still walk the same path, in a wiser manner.

I'm deluded beyond cure

2008-10-11T01:09:00.004+08:00

I was attempting an art piece kinda of pic in this shot. I had high hopes la...

*snickers*

Same shot more effects. I somehow like this better

This one is a bit more normal and less deluded right? But it's taken in the toilet. Enough said.

2008-10-06T23:52:00.002+08:00

I am telling you, this uniform of mine is saving so many lives.

Incident 1:

Today, a confused lil old man had the nerve to call me ugly. I've lived for 20 years and 5 months exactly and no one had the guts and the audacity to call me ugly. The nerve of him to say such things.

And from the time I've met him, he's been verbally abusive towards everyone and spitting at us as if we were born to be spat on. And his more sensible family members looked on as he spat, insulted and spewed vulgartities at us without even looking remotely apologetic.

And all this while, he would call out for help, we'd attend to him only to have him spew more vulgarities at us.

If not for this uniform, this old guy would have met his Maker by now.

Incident 2
Today, I boarded the bus and I nearly died. I boarded a bus filled to the brim with sweaty, smelly and noisy primary school kids. Sweaty and smelly I can forgive them, noisy some more, I seriously felt like shouting at them.

Like why don't parents discipline their kids? WHy do they allow their kids to make a public nuisance of themselves? I don't even remember being half as noisy when I was their age!

And this bloody idiot boy, he smacked my head with his schoolbag. His big, heavy and dragged- across-the-classrooom-floor school bag.

Ok, that he didn't do on purpose. Even if I sustained a concussion and died there and then he'd at most be charged with manslaughter.

But that little idiot was playing with his friends, talking and laughing loudly and also happily stepping on my shoes.

"Very shiok hor? My shoe very nice to step right?"

Stupid little twit.

And for heaven's sake! Girls going through puberty should just get training bras la. Where is their sense of decency and shame? How can their mothers allow them to walk in public with their budding breasts peaking through their PE T shirts or school blouses?

I really shudder to imagine what will happen when their armpit hair grows. Are they going to allow it to grow freely, just as they exposed their lovely, budding breasts?

I really need sleep. Else I'd go on and on about more stuff.

2008-09-27T02:24:00.002+08:00

The only reason why I'm writing this at this unearthly hour is cos I'm at work and finished all my reports..like FINALLY!

Anyway, today I collected my baby, my security blanket from Nokia, in time for my night. Just imagine, I'd surely lose it if I have to work an entire night without baby.

So yea, when I arrived, they gave me a number--38, informed me that they're now serving number 37. I mean great la, I don't have to wait long. Who's to know, I sat there and when the guy at the counter ( I presume that's 37) left, they started calling one bunch of random guys to collect their phones, leaving me there, sitting like an idiot.

After what seemed eternity, because I was also rushing back to catch some sleep, they finally flashed my number, collected my receipt and told me sit at the counter and wait.

They also collected the ones behind me.

But the collection process was fast, I only needed to sign somewhere and I was good to go.

The thing is, I felt like they're cheating our feelings la. Why flash 37 and give 38 the impression that she's next in line when she's not? Why don't they just hire someone to be some receipt collector so that the damn board accurately reveals the REAL person they're serving?

Geez, pissed me off so much, am sleepy now. TIme for coffee!

2008-09-20T17:50:00.002+08:00

Today, the cabbies didn't piss me off. The bus driver did. The idiot old fart was taking his own sweet time crawling to my bus stop.

I nearly wanted to take over the driving.

I really hate working on weekends. I used to become so bitter when I have to wake up early on a weekend morning for work. I think, as I go along, I've lost that feeling. There's no weekend, only off or working days.

Now, I'm only bitter when people ask me out and I can only go, "I'm working la!"

The only thing I like about weekends is that there's basically nothing much to do.

I suggest they give some kind weekend allowance to nurses who work on weekends. Why don't they have it ar?

Oh forget it...if they'd just give me my 3 days off, I shall be so eternally grateful to them. Forget about weekend allowance.

But like we always say, "wait long then have la!"

2008-09-17T19:17:00.002+08:00

I am just hopping mad la.

Today, I had to take a cab to work. Anyway, I was downstairs at 0625, trying to flag for a cab. No cab, FINE.

0627, cab no. 1 appeared, got snatched by some idiot waiting at the bus stop. Well he probably didn't need to reach office at 7 am like me, like which office worker does? I bet he just wants to save on the 35% surcharge but never mind.

Less than 30 secs later, cab no. 2 appeared and got snatched by another fella at the same bus-stop. By now am hopping mad already.

So I decided to walk to the bus stop so no one will snatch my cabs.

On the way there, which is about a 3 min walk, I saw 2 cabs and frantically tried to flag them down. BOTH! BOTH! The nerve of them, these little old farts, BOTH turned into a carpark less than 10 metres away.

By now, I'm already so mad I'm cursing under my breath.

But never mind, I reached the bus stop and managed to flag a cab down.

Story doesn't end there. The idiot took a longer way but I was already to pissed to be pissed off any more.

So that bloody turn cost me an extra $1 or so and when we reached, the fare was $6.10. The idiot gave me 10 cents discount and I thanked him, only because I was in uniform.

In my mind I was like, you already cheated me of $1, what is 10 cents la?

When I closed the door, I felt like kicking it so that I can cause a dent in it. But I was afraid of spoiling my shoes.

*mutters under breath*

You can't commit bigamy on facebook!

2008-09-14T19:44:00.002+08:00

Well, I just found out in the middle of last night. Was trying to marry 2 people on facebook at the same time.

But if you do that, you get this, "(insert name of third party) is already in a relationship!"

I even tried being listed as being in an open relationship! But why can't I be in an open relationship with 2 people? Why?!

Don't ask me why I did that. People do mad things when they're on their third night, counting down to sleeping day.

K, now for the more serious stuff.

I was really on the verge of quitting nursing the other day. I once said, if I ever lose interest in psy med, I might just quit nursing altogether.

I haven't lost interest. I've lost the will to carry on.

It was a whole series of events, exhaustion and what-not but this stupid, manipulative and ugly bitch was the last straw.

I just don't get it. What joy do people get from manipulating everyone around them and putting words into other people's mouths?

I did not say what you said I said, you stupid f**k!

And there was no way someone could accidentally misinterpret what I said unless that's what they wanted to hear and purposely picked out phrases to their advantage, conveniently leaving out info that's detrimental to their arguement.

Maybe that's why lawyers are paid so much. They spend all their waking time picking out loopholes in the legal system.

And she didn't win the argument because she's smart, she won only because she's one old cow and I'm just a calf.

But I don't get why she had to do this, when I did nothing to offend her.

And I'm not talking about the patient, I'm talking about his relative here.

Psy med is not easy at all. It's mentally taxing, and not to forget these things run in families. We might be dealing with more than one patient at the same time.

Really, these manipulative bastards get my goat.

But what really stung was...when other healthcare workers choose to believe outsiders rather then their own colleagues. This is not the first, definitely not the last time something like that happens.

When will people learn? Healthcare is hard enough, and if we still insist on fighting among ourselves, people will always take advantage of this weakness.

There should not be this "I'm superior to you" nonsense. We just do different stuff, because you can't have everyone doing the same task in a team.

*snickers*

But what the hell. Even nurses fight amongst themselves.

If you (who know how hard is it to do the job) make it hard for your colleagues, what more outsiders, who know nuts about the profession?

2008-09-07T23:48:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I don't have anything remotely interesting today.

Am really starting to feel the strain of working in a psy ward, I think, I'm heading towards a burnout.

The day I lose interest in psychiatry is probably the day I give up nursing altogether.

And words cannot adequately describe how I feel towards certain patients eg the anxious or the depressed. I don't know how to comfort them, it's killing me just to sit there to keep reassuring them.

I know it's not their fault they're scared about everything under the sun. I know it's also not their fault they don't feel like doing anything but cry in bed.

I feel like yelling at them, I really do. And it upsets me that I should think like that.

To the anxious, I feel like telling them to get off my back and give me time, some time to fulfil their request instead of bugging me every 30 seconds wondering if I forgot about them, or wondering if the doc lost his way to the ward, or maybe, just maybe the doc had a nightmare and ran home to his mummy which is why he didn't come and prescribe whatever stupid med you requested for.

To the depressed, I feel like screaming at them everytime they refuse to even get out of bed to wash up. Damn it la! Why don't you just try?! Why don't you just throw yourself off the bed and try?!

And I hate myself for thinking like that, just because I'm honestly too tired emotionally to comfort, to even care if you're too upset to live.

Last thing, Murphy's law states that...

"If anything can go wrong, it will. At the most inopportune time, it will be your fault and everyon will know it."

"If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong"

"If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway"

Fact of my life.

damn those mad rioters!

2008-09-06T18:50:00.002+08:00

What the hell are they trying to do?

Look, I don't give a damn that god knows how many million people are affected by I don't know what political decision. All I know is, I can't go for my Thailand holiday and I'm effing pissed!

I've been looking forward to it for the longest time. The only thing that stood between us is my job confirmation. 'Cos once I'm confirmed, I can take leave. Once I can take leave....

But now, this shit has to happen!

Why don't they just a) look for jobs/make more pretty stuff and earn money. Or b) sit at home and eat grass while waiting for something called divine retribution.

*snickers*

Now we know why people like me have to be born in this comfortable, clean but boring singapore where there's nothing much to do except worry for your PSLE and O levels.

And when we fail one or both of the important exams, we can jolly well go jump down cos there's nothing else to do here.

But then again, a mundane life can be considered some form of happiness. Some stability is always good for our mental wellbeing. Otherwise, hospitals won't adhere to some form of system or timetable. We can have 3 am ward rounds and doctors can come in their pjs.

A miracle just happened. I lost my lip balm 2 days ago. And I wasted a few minutes yesterday and today morning looking for it. TWO CONSECUTIVE MORNINGS! I suspected my house lizards stole them.

But ya, a few minutes ago, I found it again. Just when I was not looking that hard.

The best things happen when you're not looking too hard or trying too hard. :D

I'm a happy girl, cos whoever that found the lip balm on the floor and put it on the computer table just saved me 10 odd dollars.

I might get killed for this...

2008-09-05T16:36:00.003+08:00

But heck, I write what I like on my blog. I took my blog address off facebook cos I find myself holding back so much. I'm trapped in the very thing that's supposed to liberate me from the constraints of daily life.

Like swearing, like being really really honest, like making very little effort to conceal my dislikes. Swearing is not really me, but sometimes, a 'bloody little piece of shit' works better then 'a parasite' or 'an irritating person.'

The oomph is just not there!

And so, for the past 2 days since coming back from my night duty, I've been stuck with this big piece of shit who's a famous troublemaker throughout the hospital.

1) He had the guts to make so many requests which includes asking for a private class diet. The nerve of him, when he owes the hospital quite a big sum of money.

2) He should just shut his bloody trap, pack his things and scramble out of a B2 ward into a C class ward. How dare he plant himself on a B2 bed when there is a cheaper alternative available and when he knows he can't pay for even the cheaper option?!

People will not be denied treatment just because they can't pay for it. But it gets my goat when people make so many unnecessary and expensive requests when they know they can't even pay for the basic ones.

And how dare he accuse the hospital's staff of being racists?

I mean, maybe some of them are like that, that we can't do much about it!

Just like how there are one too many people from the same race acting in a similar manner.

1) Overly dramatic with pain

2) Being very demanding (whether or not they can pay for it) and when their demands are not being met, accuse the hospital of being racist.

Now, if the above 2 points are criterias for being labelled an "irritating specimen", is it fair for us to label that particular race as a race of irritating specimens just because one too many of their counterparts have displayed the above 2 traits? Now, is it fair then, for us to treat irritating specimens the way they need to be treated, not the way patients should be treated?

No right?!

Therefore, is it fair to label all hospital staff as racists just because you've met too many who've been nasty to you? Have you created enough shit for them to throw back at you?

Sometimes, it is probably the mindset of certain individuals that they should be placed higher than the rest and be given VIP treatment. And when they're not being given that kind of treatment for the simple reason that they can't afford it, they kick up a huge fuss.

Expectations are a good thing, they are only bad when they're unrealistic and when the one who's making the demands cannot afford to pay for them. It's like walking into a shop demanding that they sell you a $200 item when you're prepared to pay only $20 for it.

At least ask nicely la! Like, "errm, do you think you can consider selling me this item even though I got only $20?"

No leh! He's got the guts and audacity to demand that we do it! And now who do you think you are la?

Nobody is looking down on your race. They're looking down on you. And nobody is looking down on you because of the race you belong to but how you behaved; in a stupid and rude manner.

People might forgive you if you act stupidly since not everyone is born with a high IQ. But no one should be rudely demanding. Well, unless the monkeys raised you la, then I've got nothing to say.

In this age of meritocracy, no one can make you feel stupid if you've proven, beyond reasonable doubt that you're smart.

No one should be able to tell you, "hey you're bloody stupid cos you come from a race of imbeciles" if you've proven yourself to be someone worth their salt.

*walks away mumbling away to self*

*chuckles*

A funny thought just came to me.

When I was a little newer to the ward, I used to get absolutely distressed when a patient comes up to me, mumbles something and then walks away. I'd run after them trying to find out what they just said. And I won't be able to get a logical answer from them. Ha! But these days, I kinda of accept that some patients, you may never be able to carry out a normal conversation with them without giving yourself a major headache from all the guesswork!

Maybe the hospital should sue him, for whatever reason, I don't really care. We should get our big shot lawyer to scare the shit out of him and hopefully, his imaginary lawyer will find his own way out of this man's life.

You know why we say imaginary? Because one of us saw him calling the starhub enquiry line pretending to talk to his "lawyer. "

The best part is, no he's not a psy patient. People like him are called "crazy people" Psy patients are called mentally ill, or psychiatric patients. Psy patients act the way the do because of an illness. People like him act like that because they're...crazy.

2008-09-02T08:53:00.002+08:00

It's my last night and I should be sleeping blissfully by now. Something happened and now I'm VERY FUCKING ALERT AND TOO FUCKING PISSED TO SLEEP.

I know she meant well. I know she has her plus points and I really respect her. How she manages to piss me off beyond a tolerable and reasonable level never ceases to amaze me.

Look, I know I get ruffled easily. I know I've got a bad temper and can be as stubborn as a mule. But really, in terms of stubborness, she wins hands down. No questions.

Back to me getting ruffled easily. People piss me off, day in, day out with their silly antics, nothing new there. But my anger's always kept at a reasonable and tolerable level. I may scream or rant away but I won't feel like gobbling the person up so that he/she would just disappear and stop talking.

With her, she's able to dig out that kind of response from the depths of my soul--just by being her.

I just don't get it la. She can make me so angry...

1) I don't feel like arguing with her. Arguing with her is like arguing with someone from another planet. Both parties liak bo kiu (catch no ball).

2) I feel like throwing myself against the wall and killing myself to get some peace.

I'm not saying I'm entirely blameless here. And the good thing about her is how she's so committed, tries her best, never slipshod on purpose. And she could have just shut up but she didn't and taught me a damn good lesson.

I recognise that I'm at fault (at least to some extent) here. But her solution to rectifying the whole mistake is so amazing it really left me dumbfounded.

The experience also left me very, very cold and numb. If anything, I should thank her for knocking some sense in me.

I guess, with this, it's high time I fling out any naive trust I had when I first stepped in.

A child trusts unconditionally. It's with life's trials, experience with betrayals that he/she finally learns to approach with caution, to trust conditionally.

And really, I think it's high time this child learns to trust like an adult.

Lastly, I don't get why nurses make life so difficult for each other. Why isn't there some kind of uneseen sisterhood? What joy do people get from stepping on other people or cocking up so someone else has to pick up shit after you?

2008-08-30T01:01:00.003+08:00

I personally feel good looking people should not hook up with each other. Rather, they should hook up with mediocre looking people and spread their superior genes about. The same could be done for people with high IQ.

If we keep making good looking people breed with other good lookers, sooner or later, we'll only have very good lookers and very ugly people.

And I think we're made in such a way that good lookers are never attracted to each other. 'Cos I haven't seen 2 good lookers hook up like in the movies/hollywood. Maybe it's because good lookers are secretly jealous of each other or whatever other reason, I don't know.

I just keep noticing that the other half of a good looker is usually quite mediocre looking.

And this is quite random and has absolutely nothing to do with the good looking story above.

But I realised that I have enough food in my fridge to feed africa. I think this is a family thing. Among my extended family, our bank accounts can be almost empty but our fridge must always be bursting with food.

And my grandma, she loves forcing our visitors to eat. It's not "invite", it's "forcing."

OK, I totally forgot what I wanted to say before this random thought interrupted me.

So I figured, I should just shut my gap and go to bed.

let's fight for public armpit scratching!

2008-08-23T00:22:00.003+08:00

I think we should do that.

Why shouldn't anyone be allowed to scratch their armpits openly? Why is scratching of armpits or even digging of noses considered shameful, to be done behind closed doors?

If it's itchy, scratch la.

If it's uncomfortable, dig la!

If we hide hide and do, it becomes ta shiok. Unless you dig/scratch already you just tuck into your food or offer your friend food without washing hands, now that's a different matter. Aside from that, we should allow such activities in public.

I never understood why docs hate reading through our notes when we dedicate at least 45 mins per shift to report writing. We nurses seem to make it our lives' mission to read through their sometimes illegible notes. We enjoy doing it and sometimes, there is this quiet smirk on the face of the fella who manages to decipher what the doc meant/wrote.

That said, I've got to say, the docs at my workplace have some of the best handwriting as compared to docs in other disciplines. It's not about having more time, it's about wanting to write legibly so people won't have to run after you asking what you wrote.

Got so fed up with reading their illegible handwriting sometimes, I wondered if they took a module in med school called "how to write illegibly."

Ok, my armpits just whispered to me and said they're sleepy, so is my big toe. I guess I better go. Good night, earthlings.

Basically, I just wrote a whole post about nothing. I'm so good la!

2008-08-19T13:49:00.002+08:00

I'm really quite upset with some friends of mine. They might read it, they might not, I don't know whether I'm important enough for them to read my blog.

If I'm so important, perhaps you should have, at the very least informed me of a number change instead of coming out of the blue demanding to be let into my life. Why? If my life's not interesting enough for you to MAKE THE EFFORT to keep in contact, what made you decide it's interesting enough now?

Some people know me for the longest time and that doesn't mean you know me better then my current friends or old friends who bothered to keep in contact ok?

Because I changed, because of a decision I made 3 years ago, I'm no longer the same. Yes, I'm still sarcastic, I'm still mean, somethings just don't change.

But my thinking's changed and if you still insist on thinking that I'm still quite the same then I'm quite sorry for you. 'Cos I'm not.

When I'm trying to make a decision and you apply what you know about me from 3 years ago, then you're just gonna piss me off. Because I am not that girl anymore, and I don't know how to make decisions based on that girl's thinking anymore.

And I don't know how to tell you I'm not the same anymore.

Which is why I told a friend of mine...

"don't understand why people must invite one whole bunch of unimportant people and repeat their love story to a bunch of kaypohs"

Same thing with my career choice, I don't see the need to repeat the reasons behind my career choice over and over again to a bunch of random strangers. If you're a new friend, fair enough. If not, it's like you were not there at the wedding, now I already have kids with the guy and you're asking me where we went for our dates before we got married.

I'm not angry, just utterly disappointed. And it's got to be the least funniest post in a long time.

I have 483775 strands of leg hair

2008-08-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

Gotcha there! Did you actually think I'd bother counting my leg hairs? I may be bored, but not THAT bored ok?

Anyway, this is a picture post. So shut up and pretend you like the pics.

Anyway, I managed to take don't know how many more shots but decided not to post so many cos...

1) My cup is camera shy

2) My cup said it doesn't look nice in those pics except these two so I only have permission to post these 2.

And just in case you thought I was lazing around instead of working, I was not k? My partner went for a break and I was the only one left in the ward, at 2 in the morning. Could only take pics so I stop imagining things. And well, at least, if there's someone who's not supposed to be there, standing behind me, at least I know la...

Anyway, went out with the girls today. These pics were from the MRT trip back. It's so ironic, 3 drivers, and still taking public transport...

The ones below are from Xue's phone which has a front camera. And I absolutely love her phone cos it makes me look quite good also.

K errrm...that's about it? You can now go and lament on the fact that I'm not deluded enough to go on snapping and snapping away. MRT leh, public place leh, take too many pics people might lock us up.

The two of them might get away with a warning, for me this xiao ding dong, they will surely lock me up and throw the keys away.

Random thought: Nothing makes me laugh harder then times when I'm being sarcastic and the other party liak bo kiu. Mean/sarcastic jokes are best left unexplained. The fun disappears when you explain yourself. :p

Good night, fellow earthlings.

If murder is not a crime...

2008-08-16T02:45:00.004+08:00

I saw 2 mad people today on the way to work.

Mad person number 1: I just boarded the bus and there was no where to stand. I was just standing, leaning against something, minding my own business and listening to music. Then I noticed this mad fella number 1 staring at me. Gave him the do-I-know-you look and he just suddenly went, "I injured myself at work, haven't recovered yet," proceeded to show me his index finger with a pathetically small cut.

Ok, so I was in uniform but do I look that dedicated to you? What did he expect me to do, dig my bag and dress his pathetically small wound?! While I'm at it, should I also treat the others in the bus of their constipation, fever, cough, cold, diarrhea or whatever nonsensical problem you can think of? Geez...

Mad person number 2: He got on after mad person no. 1 alighted. Stood at the exit and all of a sudden began cursing at someone imaginary outside the bus, kept slapping his own forehead in the "ALAMAK!" manner. Basically just kept shouting vulgarities at this imaginary friend of his outside the bus, ignoring the stares from the other passengers.

The best part is, before he alighted, he went to the front to curse at the driver. Poor thing, if I were the driver I would have kicked him off the bus and just drive away. To think the driver just sat there quietly without a grumble...

If murder is not a crime, a lot of people will be killed...

Esp patients who're demanding, think they know it all yet don't know shit about anything at all and lastly, the bloody hypocrite irritating specimens who're so nice to you and pretend to appreciate your efforts yet go complain to the docs behind your back.

The best part is, complain never mind, they make up stories to get you into trouble, these manipulative twits! Pui!

2008-08-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a gift Live it... Enjoy it... Celebrate it... And fulfill it.
And while you are at it give love to someone today

Love someone with what you do and the words you say
Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden

So give it away "Give Love to someone today!"

I really felt like quitting today

2008-08-12T21:16:00.002+08:00

I really felt like walking out today. Just fling the files and walk out. It's not one person, or one dramatic incident that made me feel this way but a series of insignificant even that contributed to this...this I don't know what to call it.

A colleague/friend of mine once compared medicine (the medical profession) to an abusive relationship. When I read through the poem, I could see where she's coming from but I thought, "no, I'm so happy here, I won't ever feel this way."

Today, I not only saw her point but felt the slap across my face. Frankly, it still stings, even after another friend tried to cheer me up.

Indeed, it's like an abusive spouse. You think he's a wonderful person, a great husband, a doting father and the next thing you know, a slap across your cheek and you finally wake up.

I'm so tired.

Sometimes when next-of-kins come with their funny requests and everything comes at the same time, I feel like holding up a gun shouting, "F*** off everyone! F*** off!"

Ignorance is not a crime. Stupidity and arrogance is the lethal combination.

We have this button to press to let people into the ward. So basically, anyone that wants to come in has to press a bell and wait till we press the button to let them in.

Anyone know how fucking irritating these doors are? And how disruptive they are? When you're trying to get something done, someone goes "ding dong" and your whole train of thoughts is chopped up.

And the stupid phones, why can't they STOP RINGING FOR ONCE?! And no one calls you, wants your attention when you're just sitting around. They all call or ask for attention when you're so busy you're trying to think of how to clone yourself.

And lastly, according to Murphy's law...

"If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then."

I cannot help but agree.

Here's a nurses' rant

2008-08-03T23:32:00.004+08:00

And yes, I chose to be one. But I can still rant anyway. Just like you can choose to gorge yourself silly and complain about how fat you are.

The doctors in my ward were complaining on nurses day that they docs do not have a day. I checked and realised it's on the 30th of March. I guess we don't celebrate it much 'cos docs are respected pretty much everywhere, especially in the Asian context.

I'm not saying it's easy being one or that they have no difficulties or problems. I'm just saying they're being respected a lot more than the nurses.

One good example is this; I've met so many families who're too scared to ask their surgeons questions. I never get their logic. When the docs are there, taking consent and ever ready to answer whatever questions you have about the procedure, no one has any questions. When they finally leave, the questions come flooding in. They look around, grab a nurse, any nurse and ask away, without even realising that she's not in charge and won't know a thing.

Do they even realise that there is a reason why the doctor is the one taking the consent, not the nurse? Because the doctor is the one doing the procedure, because you're supposed to ask the doctor questions, because they are the ones making decisions regarding the treatment plan, not the nurse, damn it!

Then you tell them nicely you're not in charge and don't know about the case, they give you the "how come you don't know" look. Wanna ask, at least find out who is in charge and ask la!

It's like them walking into a phone shop, grabbing the first salesperson they see and asking "you know last week I came with my Ah Boy, he wanted that red don't-know-what-model phone, where is it ah?"

What is this?!

A loved one is in hospital and you allow them to do whatever they want to your loved one without getting info about what is going on. It's like allowing the contractor to build a house according to his fancy, not yours.

When a relative of mine is in hospital, I'll be damn sure to research on their illness and think of questions to ask the doctor. It's not that I don't have faith in our healthcare system. But knowing what's going on is my way of staying sane. And I did this even before joining nursing!

I don't understand why some people let respect/fear of doctors get in the way of making a really informed choice. The doctor may offer you a treatment plan but unless you read up and research, that's the only way you'll go because you're not aware of the other alternatives that may be as effective, if not more.

I wanted to go on, but something random came to mind. I think the lighting in fitting rooms are super nice! Makes me look nice in them. Now I know why people like taking pics in fitting rooms.

Excluding my retarded looking stoned face, this is actually quite a good pic.
Oh ya, I remembered my original train of thoughts. I think, the best nurses' day gift to us is an extra day off which can be 'redeemed' say anytime in August.

In case you forget, nurses are human beings who get tired. And don't believe anyone who says that we're overpaid. We do crazy amounts of work day in, day out, 24/7 and still people demand, still people think we're very free.

Do you know why relatives make so many demands of nurses? Because they're not the patient, the patient knows how busy the nurse is because they're watching us all the time. The relatives only come during visiting hours, when all the action is over and when the other shift is coming in to take over so all they see is one bunch of nurses crowding around the counter doing nothing but talking.

I'm not saying they're (patients) very happy waiting for us to go help them to the loo when they have a bladder that's so full it might burst anytime. I'm just saying, they probably understand better.

The thing about nurses is this. People can complain about us all the time but very few nurses actually stand up to defend the profession. All we do is swallow it and continue working.

But just because the accused is not defending herself doesn't justify the accusations

I wonder how long it'll take before nurses, especially Singaporean nurses will stand up for themselves. I wonder how long it'll take before we realise we're professionals, not overpaid maids. I wonder how long it'll take before before the public can tell a difference between a maid and a nurse. We're nurses, medical professionals, not your maids.

Oh well, but it'll take a long time I suppose. If they can't tell a difference between a bookstore and a playground, a bookstore keeper and a babysitter...

People don't appreciate the little, yet important parts of society. For example, the bus drivers, the maids, the garbage collectors and the healthcare workers.

These people are transparent until something goes horribly wrong...

Happy nurses' day!

2008-08-03T01:23:00.005+08:00

Actually it's quite belated, since nurses' day is actually on the 1st of Aug.

Anyway, a friend messaged me this which I really like.

"Being a nurse is not about grades.
It's about who we are.

No book can teach you how to cry with a patient.
No class can tell you how to tell a family member that their family member is dead or is dying.
A nurse is not about the pills, the IV's and the charting. It's about being able to love people at their weakest moments and being able to forgive them for all their wrongs and make a difference in their lives.

No one can make you a nurse.

You just are! Happy nurses' day."

And while I'm on the subject. These are some pics from a roadshow I was involved in a few weeks back.

Us having fun on stage eh?

I love this pic a lot. Shuai! Because I very seldom take such pics, most of my pics nua nua de.

2008-07-27T21:34:00.003+08:00

Someone got admitted that got me thinking of a certain issue more deeply. Though I do not know her personally, it struck me 'cos she was once working alongside my seniors. And now, a patient.

These days, I've been thinking...What if, I become mentally ill?

Working with them made me think of my own mental well-being. Opened my eyes to the problems they faced.

I thought about it and realised that I'd probably have to seek treatment from the mountain healers in Timbatu.

Simple reason, it's almost inevitable that I'd meet someone I know. Can you imagine? Having your whole life story known to people you're not close friends with, but only civil to?

I think they might as well publish my story in the cluster newslater la!

Ok, enough of the depressing stuff.

I think my mom makes the best fried bee tai bak in the world! I know this is random but it was so good I had 2 plates of it. The best part is, it's not the prettiest dish at all.

Who says the best of dishes has to look good?

I regret not taking a pic before I started eating. This was all that was left of the dish when I remembered.

My sis thought I was crazy for taking such a pic. Thanks ar!

I'm still so hungry leh. How? 胖死你！

Damn those lizards!

2008-07-23T16:48:00.003+08:00

I vow to find a way to cruelly get rid of them, and their best friend Xiaoqiang (roaches).

Did you know insecticides don't work on lizards? You can spray and spray away and it won't touch them! They're still very much alive!

How ar? Am researching now on how to kill lizards, will let all of you know.

Supposedly, they only have this stick-on lizard traps being sold in NTUC. Thanks ar, so I stick them all around my house? Dont tell me to stick them where I always find them 'cos they seem to be everywhere.

We killed the resident lizard in my toilet.

The kitchen one...akan datang. He got away.

My room has one, I think it goes to the hall sometimes, that dark brown little piece of shit.

And the best of all is, we have one big fat piece of cow shit who I suspect is female and producing all these little shit. That whore, I'll sterilise her if I'm not so scared of their cold, flaccid bodies.

So old already still don't know how to conduct herself properly, that horny bitch.

I think we killed one of her stupid kids just one or two months back. But that's not much use since they'll just keep producing more and more.

I mean, what is this nonsense la? I won't really mind if they pop up with I'm having a drink or something but appearing when I'm having my shower is not ethical at all. How can I ever enjoy my showers or shit in peace?

And all these, done in my house. Scare the living daylights of the legal occupants, what stupid nonsense is this? Can't they roam outside our houses? Don't give me the crap that got not enough food outside, that's why they come inside. Not enough food, don't give birth so many. Family planning, that's what we humans do.

Oh, maybe they're Catholic, which is why they don't practise artificial contraception and residing in my home. But then again, we have natural family planning. If my parents, and so many other Catholic parents can stop at 2, I don't see why they can't.

OK enough, enough. Enough of speculation. Who's in charge of these lizards?

I'm gonna warn them, I'm capable of anything if they're too much. I'll get the most tigo roaches to rape their females and castrate the males. Then when we've settled that, I'll punish the cockroaches for rape and start executing them.

Now we know why I'm not the government.

the most pathetic person

2008-07-22T16:25:00.001+08:00

Is one who tries to sleep after her night but woke up of hunger. It happens all the time, the only reason why I won't sleep is because I'm hungry. Give me food and I'll be fine.

I would eat, but I already ate a lot and am starting to feel fat.

Someone tell me what to do, save me from the madness

but you wanted to be a nurse...

2008-07-22T15:33:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why almost everyone I meet is telling me this. Why? I look unhappy with my job is it?

When I say I'm tired after my night, sleep until I don't know if it's day or night, don't even know the date today because I have to work from 9pm till the next morning for night shift and it's quite hard keeping track of dates like that, people tell me...

"but you wanted to be a nurse"

When I say I've got no time to meet my friends and really wanna see them, they tell me the same thing.

Why? I cannot rant is it? Just because I wanted to be a nurse, I've lost the right to complain about the sucky aspects of my job?

Face it. People WILL HATE CERTAIN ASPECTS OF THEIR JOB! I never said I was quitting, I only wanted a rant. So stop making it sound like I was gonna quit just because I was ranting.

I mean it's true. Sometimes people rant about their partners. Does that mean they're gonna dump them?

People also say they're sick and tired of their life. Does that mean they're gonna kill themselves?

People also say they can't stand their fats, are they gonna slice it off?

Well, you get the point...

Nurses are human. Just because we're in a "NOBLE profession" doesn't mean we have lost the right to complain. We're made of flesh too, we get tired, grumpy and can get upset with fucking demanding people.

To deprive us of the opportunity to rant is like telling the doctors they can't fall sick because they're the healers.

2008-07-16T17:03:00.003+08:00

It's been 2 months and 4 days and I enjoyed every day of it.

Just now, on the way back, I came to realise something. To make fun of psy patients is like making a joke about one's own mother.

The only one who has the right to make fun of the illness or the behaviour is the patient himself/herself.

Just like it's rude to call someone's mother fat or say things like, "hey I saw your mum the other day at the mall and when she waved at me, all her fats jingled, going left, right, left..."

What will you do if someone said that of your mother? I think I might pluck out all their pubic hair and force them to eat their own snort. But it's fine to tease your own mother playfully right? I know mine doesn't really mind, if she's in a good mood that is...

I'm not saying we can't laugh behind closed doors because of something the patient said/did. But calling someone siao lang(mad person) or kuku or nutcase or whatever name you can think of is very rude.

We laugh, but we still wreck our brains to think of how to help them. And we have to laugh, if you're in the healthcare industry and you don't find something funny to laugh about every day, you'll be a very miserable walking zombie in a matter of months.

And you say someone is not well, not tell them "you're still not very right up here."

And when you spend time talking to the patient and they say things like, "you're a really good person, you spend so much time and effort talking to a nutcase", the feeling you get is different from when someone outside the field, educated or otherwise tells you things like, "get out of there, why do you need to spend so much time on these crazy people?"

It takes a bigger nutcase to recognise another.

"Oh, because I'm preparing the place for you, bigger nutcase." *rolls eyes*

But seriously, to say things like psy med is a wast of time it's like asking why don't we all legalise euthanasia? Why must we spend so much time, effort and manpower on terminally ill people? Or why must we amputate someone's limbs to save their lives? Just let them die la! Everyone must die!

No one is an expensive waste of time, except stupid people. But we can always think of cures for stupidity and if all else fail, we should have a good laugh about it and live happily ever after.

Shine

2008-07-15T18:42:00.003+08:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Marianne Williamson-

2008-07-12T20:27:00.002+08:00

If you don't know what you want, you won't know when it's staring at you in the face.

If you know what you want but won't put in the effort for whatever reason, then you totally deserve being without it.

If what you want belongs to someone else, then letting go seems to be the best option.

Stupid lil twit

2008-07-10T21:15:00.003+08:00

A few days back there was this tigo lizard in my bathroom peeping at me. Stupid brown, scaly twit.

That twit gave me such a fright in my life I nearly forgot my surname.

What happen was, I was showering, happily soaping myself and getting ready to rinse the lather off when I saw this idiot stuck very close to the tap.

'SHIT!' My brain screamed and for a moment I thought shit was my surname.

Ya, so there I was screaming and screaming for help and to my rescue came my mum and sis who brought the insecticide but it wasn't of much use. A tiny lizard the size of my little finger wouldn't die even after 3 mins of spraying insecticide at it.

At last it ran into the pipe.

A few hours later, my mum spotted the bugger and bumped it off.

Ok, enough of that stupid fella.

The government's gonna kill me for this. for spoiling their pro-family thing. But looking at my patients and how they become trapped in a loveless marriage, how their love can cool off, then they fall into depression and never really come out of it cos they're still trapped in a loveless marriage, can't come out of it "because I won't have a place to stay if I divorce him."

I can only come to one conclusion.

I don't really want to get married. Marriage is a gamble. For the sake of my own sanity, maybe I should not take up the gamble. I think the only reason that's keeping me from saying no completely is 'cos I still want my own kids. And to get my OWN kids, I need to get a guy and yea...we know the drill.

2008-07-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

This stupid kfc guy pissed me off so much the other day. To cut a long story short, we ordered the foldover and they had to make more cos there were none left.

Anyhow, the guy who served us, let's call him A cos I couldn't be bothered to take down his name. And there was this other fella from the other counter called B who 'stole' our foldover and had the good cheek to shout "foldover zero!"

I suppose it must be their procedure la, to shout out to the kitchen staff if there was no more of that item left.

Of course zero foldover la, 'cos you stole the one that the kitchen folded for us, you dumb shit.

Anyway, the prune head didn't even have the common sense to think why will the kitchen just throw out ONE foldover for fun and not like five or six at one go.

But I forgive him cos he's a stupid prunehead who didn't know better. Still he pissed me off because I had to wait there for an extra ten minutes or so.

Anyway, A was in the wrong too cos he should have fought for his customer's foldover what! That proves beyond reasonable doubt that both are stupid pruneheads and kfc has the misfortune of hiring them both.

Ok enough said about them. But it's been a long while since I found something stupid enough to rant about.

Oh happy day!

2008-07-02T20:52:00.002+08:00

It'll be Vicky's (goddaughter) first birthday tmr. So fast leh, I've been a godma for one whole entire year. What have I got for her? Frankly, nothing. I want to la, but don't know what to buy for a baby. Errm...toddler.

I'm such a horrible godma. *slaps self*

*smashes head against wall*

*arranges hair back nicely.*

K, chill...

I can't explain this feeling. I love going to work, I love what I do, the people there and everything la. Sometimes, if I got nothing better to do, I love to hang around the place and just talk rubbish. Partly because, well it's air con mah and also, work is more enjoyable when you've got lovely people around.

But...sometimes I literally have to drag myself out of the house to go to work. It's not the work that I dread but prob the journey, like why can't the ward just be at my doorstep kinda of feeling. The feeling you get when you wanna go out and have fun but just too lazy to dress up.

It's very tiring and my brain is being assaulted with all sorts of info day in day out. But I'll never give up.

Oh and there are very little funnily stupid people around me these days, I think they must have died of stupidity la. So basically nothing to rant about.

One thing though, my patients make me laugh, as in laugh until my sides ache and my cheeks hurt, tears are like rolling down my face already. It's definitely very healthy to work with them, since laughing is always good for health.

it left as quickly as it came

2008-06-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

I don't have a good feeling about this blog shop thing. I decided to let those stupid kids have their way and blog shoppers have to stick to their silly, childish rules.

1) I woke up today, regretting. When something like that happens, I'll usually call it off.

2) I don't have a good feeling about this. And I'm not one who gives up after a little objection from others. If I see it'll work, it'll work, I'll make it work. Like when I wanted to go into psy med, people around me objected, violently, in fact. But I saw where I was going, I was gonna do everything in my power to make this whole shit work. Not that I was not gonna do my best this time but this time, I feel out of control, powerless.

I feel like whatever I'm gonna to do is useless. I came up more reasons for failure then sucess. So anyone in their right mind would quit and SHOULD quit.

Alright now, enough said. You may throw those paperballs at me now...

I'm gonna purge myself silly

2008-06-28T15:29:00.002+08:00

The toilet bowl's my best friend today. I feel like puking, I can't stop shitting sticky shit.

I'm not kidding ok, it's like dark brown and really sticky. Best part is, I don't know why, since I eat the same old stuff day in day out. And of course, shit is smelly and today's shit's smellier than usual.

See, this is what a nurse does, analyse her own shit.

It should stop, because like tears, you stop shitting when you've got nothing else to shit. Tears stop flowing when they've dried up too. The logic's the same. I'll just pretend it's a detox programme then.

It's been so long

2008-06-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

There's no reason for me to sigh anymore.

I enjoy my work, I love my seniors.

And I don't wanna make anymore changes to my life anymore. Let me live this kinda of life for the next 1 year or so. Let me stagnate for a while.

Please stop pushing me forward, let me get comfortable with my new role, with the new people I've met.

爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深但不能太认真

I know I'm supposed to churn out some stupid/interesting pictures, this will wait till I have the mood for it.

I want to have my own business!

2008-06-22T21:33:00.005+08:00

I am gonna open a blogshop and force those small kids out of business. So pissed off la!

I was looking for some funny slogan/vintage tees on blogshops. And all I got were some silly kids trying to set up a business. And they have silly rules. One blogshop summed it all for me.

Click on the image to enlarge and have a look at stupid rules.

What is this la?! How is it my fault they don't have a POSB account for me to transfer money into?

And I have to travel all the way to wherever you want me to to hand you the money, make my way back, wait like a fool for my product, travel all the way back to collect my product some days later. That or I pay anything between $1-$4. For their stupid transport money, for them to travel from wherever they are to wherever I am.

If I'm late for 5 mins- pay $0.50

10 mins- $1 etc...

What is this? Secondary school?! I'm the customer leh, you say half an hour you start charging me, I say fair enough. 5 mins or so is called GRACE PERIOD! And if I'm travelling from the opposite side of the island, being a little off is expected.

All because why? You don't have a bloody bank account for me to transfer money to. So laoniang the customer has to cater to your every whim.

And what is this thing about caps? Why should I pay and wait and wait for you to reach some stupid cap before I get my shirt?

And what if you never reach your cap? Do I never get my shirt?

And what if you run away with my money? I know I'm a rich old woman now who can pretend I just donated the 10 odd dollars to some old and blind beggar but I dislike being cheated. I hate being placed in a position where it's so easy to be cheated as well.

Oh and you will say that you're good, honest people who don't scam. Like rapists, murderers and other psychopaths go around screaming, "hey I'm a bad guy!"

And so, that aside.

I decided to set up my own blogshop!

I got a lobang already, if I really want, I know where to go to get my designs printed cheaply. I need a partner in crime. Yvonne, msn me when you're free, I want u as partner in crime.

2008-06-17T20:11:00.003+08:00

Work's ok I guess. I really got a fright in my life when I came this morning. In 24 hours, we managed to double the number of patients. The ward was only half filled when I left and now, it's filled to the brim!

And so we worked like dogs the whole morning, the whole place was a war zone, with medical doctors, orthopaedic doctors and don't-know-what-other-discipline doctors coming in and out, grabbing our files and traumatising everyone.

One of my patients nearly ran out of the ward. Not kidding, he literally tried to run out, though I missed that funny sight. Hahahah but that's not SO funny if he really escapes, cos yours truly would be executed with immediate effect la. They must have traumatised him so badly.

And today, I saw something that touched me a lot. I saw that man, who tried to run away, hyperventilating away but calmed down significantly after talking to his wife. I saw the deep love between them, I saw how the wife, though scared and in a don't-know-what-to-do state of mind calmed him down, just being who she is.

Everyday, in this ward, I'm seeing/hearing so many stories that make me appreciate everything I have, particularly my sanity.

Jokes aside, but if you can function without popping pills, be thankful, a lot of other people wish they have your life. It breaks my heart to see them pop the pills I give them day in, day out. But really, do we have another choice here?

A mental illness is not something you'd even wish on your worse enemies. And the biggest problem is not the illness itself but the stigma.

Finally la!

2008-06-16T18:44:00.002+08:00

Friday the 13th, a short guy came knocking on my door, bringing with him my photocard license. I'm a happy lil woman.

The moment of signing for the card was not half as enjoyable as that boring video. I sat smiling to myself in that video room.

But I'll never forget the moment when I saw my license. It was a bittersweet moment. Driving was both, enjoyable yet expensive yet frustrating. And that chapter of my life, closed, another milestone achieved.

I'm not done showing off my license yet.

Goodbye

2008-06-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

Goodbye - Air Supply

People who attempt suicide may not want to die, they just don't wanna live their life anymore.

A subtle diff that makes a world of diff if you get it.

And of course I'm not referring to myself because I'm a happy little girl these days. Overworked, but still happy.

Traffic police is really not sincere about giving me my license. I think they know I'm crazy. :p

Waiting and still waiting...

If I wait too long, I might decide to march down to their production centre to help myself with the production of my card.

2008-06-10T20:44:00.002+08:00

Work's been ok so far, make a few mistakes here and there but it's all good. I'm doing well, my boss said.

It's terrible, I think they're not sincere in giving me my photocard license. I just went to Traffic police website to check out the delivery status and they said it should take 2 weeks for it to reach me. Well, it's been 15 days, and the slot in my wallet meant for my license is...still empty.

*irritated look*

Well, not like anyone's gonna let me out on the roads anytime soon!

But yea, this has got to be my biggest achievement in my 2 decades of life on earth. Because driving is a skill, a little like cycling. But cycling I picked up from my dad, free of charge and within days so I guess I don't really treasure it. And when you're a driver, it's so adult sounding, like I'm finally not a little girl.

The other day I went cycling and it was so funny. It's been a long, long time since I cycled. I think the last time I cycled was like before I started my driving adventure. And I'm becoming a little mad, getting pissed with kids who have little respect for lane markings, checking blind spots, giving way to traffic on the main road.

*rolls eyes*

I don't even purposely do it, my head just turns automatically. I still hear my instructor's voice going, "press brake, press brake, you're going too fast." and I'm looking around for speed limits. For the record, the highest speed limit sign I found was 15km/hr.

Back to the biggest achievement in my life so far. A girl should have a license even if she's preparing to be a tai tai in the passenger seat. And get a manual license at least. Most kidnappers drive vans, vans use manual gears. If you know how to drive, you can at least run away.

*shifty eyes*

Ok, next thing I'm gonna do is learn how to sail. In case they use sail boats instead.

2008-06-08T20:25:00.002+08:00

I feel like stabbing myself with a dagger and hang my eyeballs on toothpicks.

What in the world is wrong with me? I don't know why I'm so slow, one may even suspect I'm mentally retarded.

Hiyah, 2008 seems to be license acquiring year for me.
-April 2008: RN license
-May 2008: Driving license

A pity I have to be on probation for these two licenses. And I just wanna be a good driver and nurse. I think I made like don't know how many mistakes in the last 24 days at work, it scares me. Ya la, ya la, new you surely make mistakes. But I feel dumb. I feel bad everytime I make a mistake or have to amend something and I feel like I should be packed off to NYP for another 3 years or so.

I've said it before, it seems as if I might never get my license. But I did, eventually.

Now it seems as if I'll always make silly mistakes, forget to sign this or do this. Maybe one day, I'll be an expert, but now it really feels like it'll never happen.

Another work day tmr, a whole stretch of morning shifts. How like that? I think I'm gonna become a panda and collapse from exhaustion.

Wah kua tio gui!

2008-06-04T17:30:00.003+08:00

Hahaha not me la, darling's family kua tio gui la. It was seriously quite scary, hahaha and we were talking about it in a middle of a mini celebration.

Anyway, I was telling my family the story and my dad the ghost buster decided to tell us about some of his ghostly encounters and scared the living daylights out of my timid lil sister. She really reminds me of a rat/mouse la.

1) She loves cheese
2) She's timid, every lil noise can scare her
3) She's scared of cats. HATES them, fantasises about killing them etc...
Seriously, if she marries a cat lover, WWIII will break out.

I gave myself the biggest shock in my life la. I was *ahem* managing my finances. And...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I found that I spent over $1500 in 3 months.

I nearly died from the shock ok? Wtf?! I'm not some crazy shoe maniac who bought 30 pairs of shoes in 3 months. In fact I only went for my first shopping trip in months 2 days ago la!

So I did a more in depth calculation and realised I just scared myself for nothing. My actual expenditure is only about $200 or so and the bulk of this money went to my driving lessons and housekeeping money.

Heng ah! I was seriously struggling to remember how I spent all these money when I still owe my sister a big birthday present.

Thank God I passed. Else I think I'll have to spend more and more. Driving lessons are super duper expensive la, especially nearing your test date for private students. Most private instructors will book circuit lessons nearing your test date. Good for you if you get the feel within a few lessons, cos for those catch no ball students, you'll need more then the average students and spend like dunno how much more la.

And you can't give up once you start your practical lessons. Unless you wanna spend hundreds for nothing. No license=waste money. You have to take until you pass. Either that or marry someone who can drive and wait to be driven around.

I just want a small little lime green car. Actually, it'll be cute to have a small little princess pink car. Then decorate the car with furry pink stuff. Hahaha most prob I'll be ousted from the highway by those MCPs who think I'm just a stupid bimbo who can't drive.

Day 18

2008-05-31T00:21:00.002+08:00

Day 18 in a psy ward. Not as a patient but a nurse. :p

I feel like I'm finally at home, I feel like it's what I'm born to do. I also feel I could do much more, given time.

I wanna write these thoughts down because I'm afraid I'll lose them as time goes by. I might stop believing in my ability to do much more as time flies by.

Trust me, I've seen/experienced so much in these 18 days, probably more than what an average person would see/experience in 18 months. I cannot go into explicit details though I wish I could.

1) Things aren't always what it seems
2) Mental patients are not strapped to beds 24/7
3) They're human beings, not psychopaths locked up so they don't harm innocent people
4) We do not drug them until they become gong gong and remain drowsy all day long
5) We do not lock them up in those padded cells with a small glass window like what you see on TV
6) What you see on TV is rubbish, they have a psy problem, they're not retarded, with saliva dripping out of their mouths. The actors/actress do a lousy job acting as a mental patient. They're mentally ill, not retarded. I actually believe some are smarter than us.
7) I think people with a tidak apa attitude have minimal chance of developing mental illness. People who take life seriously usually have a higher chance

I know. Random facts I picked out on the job.

Comp's a basket case

2008-05-30T10:17:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I was trying desperately to come online to de-stress. Told me I had some limited connectivity or some shit.

My sister, who is on her laptop is happily surfing the net.

Like that how can?! I know it was past midnight and therefore it's her birthday but they can't do this to me! It's still my birthday month!

Called starhub and when I finally got to speak to a human being, he told me things like my password is corrupted that's why only I can't go online. Told me to call my router's helpline for help. Gave me the number as well.

Called the router's helpdesk. Seriously, I have no complaints about their service but I don't understand their accent! I don't know if it's an American accent or Fillipino one. I just don't understand! And at 12:21 a.m, after 8 hours of work, the very last thing I wanna do is decipher accents.

So she told me to switch off the router or whatever. I told her to hold on 'cos I needed to inform my sis that her connection will be affected. By the time I came back to the line, the line got cut off. I felt like I was in some ulu kampong.

Where got like that? 1 min or so and I get cut off!

By now, my blood's probably coming to a boil.

1) Call starhub, cannot help
2) Call router's helpdesk, kena cut off
3) Problem still not solved.

I called back again, with good mind to scream into the phone the moment a human being talks to me. When I heard the ringtone, they cut me off AGAIN!

How rude la. I decided to try again and give them a piece of mind. This time, I didn't get cut off. The moment a human being spoke on the other end, miraculously, my MSN started working and I could go online.

Problem solved. I suspect my sister's ninjas were planning this, it's her birthday present. Or maybe the lizards were behind this, they're doing this 'cos they don't like me.

You know something? Everyone's a little crazy, some just don't get discovered. :p

Anyhow, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

They say a pic tells a thousand words...

2008-05-27T16:50:00.003+08:00

Thank you for all your wishes, good lucks, prayers, tips and most importantly, for your ears. I've been ranting about my driving lessons, crazy instructor and my friends have been lovely, just listening and giving me advice where appropriate.

1 attempt at BTT

2 attempts at FTT

3 attempts at TP

Finally a driver.

If I still fail this attempt and stick with this madman, I'd lose my mind sooner or later. On Sunday, I only reached home about 10 plus since I was on afternoon shift. On Monday, I have a VERY early lesson at 7 a.m. Apparently, some idiot has a test on Monday and would be taking my 8 a.m. slot. Stupid bugger!

I spent $6 on my cab fare to CDC because I was just too tired to rush there. Also good la, you very rarely have so many mad people who'd come for a 7 a.m. lesson, no one fought with me in the circuit. I wanna park, I park, wanna do S course, I do. No time wasted on waiting, I think I did each item like dunno how many times.

I said I was gonna write about my success story when I pass.

Here we go...

1) Look like you're mature enough to handle a car. My first two tests, I wore my normal outdoor clothes and looked like a normal poly kid. The testers were super quiet and looked quite unfriendly. My 3rd test I wore clothes good enough for a job interview. Maybe it was a coincidence but the tester was friendlier, chattier and that decreased my anxiety levels. So yea, they're not young punks, they believe in appropriate clothes and not in fashion.

2) Book 7 a.m. lessons for more practise. That stupid 7 a.m. lesson was a blessing in disguise. Less time spent waiting, more time for practise. Otherwise just book the peak hour lessons. Not many people will wanna spend extra money unless they're really desperate, so chances are, you spend less time waiting. But 7 a.m. lessons are still the best.

3) Practise and just practise. Some people learn fast, others a little slower. Just don't give up, you'll get your license soon. And if your instructor's mad like mine, ask your friends for tips. Helps if you've got funny friends/family who'd tell you to purposely knock down the poles so he'll stop shouting, get out of the car to pick them up and you can drive off with HIS car while he's picking up the poles. :p

4) Every test helps you learn better. Never mind if people laugh at you for taking so many tests. No prizes for passing at first attempt, it doesn't make you a better driver or shorten your probation period. Each failure taught me something, I don't know if I'm a better driver than first-timers but I probably have more confidence in my driving skills. Read: driving skills, not parking skills!

5) Find your own method of agar-ation. My instructor's method worked only to some extent, most of the time I found my own way to agar when to turn the steering, how much to turn. I striked kerb, mount kerb and had my instructor going ballistic almost every circuit lesson but I needed to fail to succeed. No choice lor, let him yell and take his anti-hypertensives, at most I'd call an ambulance if he burst a vessel. But please la, only do funny things in the circuit, nothing much can happen when you're driving at 20km/h. On the roads, listen to your instructor and trust his instincts, you act smart, I don't know how many people will meet their makers because of you.

That's it. I'm waiting for my photocard license to arrive in the post. Went to specially take a picture a few days before my test. I will NOT allow a picture which was haphardly taken to be on a license I worked so hard for.

No one else comes close

2008-05-24T21:05:00.009+08:00

A picture tells a thousand words. I went for another free makeover for my graduation ceremony. I don't know la, I think it's written on my face, "ugly but cheapo, please offer free makeover" or something. :p

But I don't really care, since I got the free makeovers, call me cheapo or whatever but I got a makeover for FREE while people are paying something like $60. And twice some more! :p

Nisa can't wait for my wedding. This gal is so cute, she herself went for the makeover with me and got one but was admiring mine.

Oh ya, I also took a passport sized picture so I can use it for my license. Please pray that this woman here pass this time. My instructor is getting on my nerves. You know what he did or not? Arrange a circuit slot at 7 am! Wah lao! Too bloody much la, this crazy man.

THIS, is almost the last straw. Fail again and I'd be forced to take school because I no longer have faith in these crazy private instructors.

Which means I'd be broke. :(

Which means I'm gonna cut costs by either

a) not getting presents cos I don't know what you want

b) getting cheap presents

c) try to wrangle a treat out of my friends every now and then

Hiyah, just pray I pass la. Pray, wish me luck or whatever.

And ya, enjoy the pics and the song...

Pre ceremony. Cam-whoring in the toilet of Marina square

Pre ceremony at the auditorium

The kids from the south (love this pic)

The vegetarian and the carnivore.

*roars*

*licks blood*

The gal and the beautiful mama

Was checking out my makeup by taking a pic. :p

THE ceremony time!

Distance couldn't separate us la, this was taken by Darling though we were seated like one row apart.

For some reason, I feel like this pic's gonna be on my obituary some day...

Post ceremony

Me and the sis. She made this pic her wallpaper. "So that the next time I switch on the laptop, people will know I have a sister." That's so cute and sweet of her la! So proud to have me as a sis. :p

This babe here needs no intro

The gal and the baby

The gals and the mummy

So cute right? If you can't see from the pic, she's dressed in PINK and HELLO KITTY 'cos those are her mum's favourite. Hahahaha at least her mum never decorate her with bells! :p

So mean la! *slaps self*

This is us trying to be funny by modifying our outfit a little. I know we look a bit cuckoo here but if you don't do silly things when we're young, are we supposed to do them when we're old and demented?

Hey hey! We look like some law school grads or not? :p
And I personally like this pic a lot!

No One Else Comes Close - Joe

2008-05-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

When someone's dead to the world, don't wake them up, even if they're sleeping on ridiculous places like the sofa or floor of the living room. It may be the best sleep they had in days.

Where black is black, and blue is just blue

2008-05-21T21:03:00.002+08:00

I messed up. I'm a useless fuck.

Although there are points that can redeem myself, such as inexperience, I still feel I need to speed up and learn the ropes FAST.

I've got a driving lesson tmr. Another $60 'cos it's a circuit lesson. When can I not see his face again? I'm so sick of paying and paying for my lessons. Why can't I have a driving instructor father?

Where got people like that? Wanna save that 1k or so wish for a driving instructor dad! Might as well wish for a dad who prints money, even 10k is a drop in the ocean for him.

I'm gonna study now. No matter how much I do, I feel like it's not gonna help, I'll never be done.

Natural's the way to go

2008-05-18T21:01:00.003+08:00

Today, I went for facial and while doing my face, this gal came in and wanted the beautician to do her eyebrows. She was apparently going for some stupid competition. The beautician asked if she wanted to do some professional makeup since she offers makeup service too.

"No need la, I think 自然就是美."

"Huh？ Cannot la, how can like that?"

I nearly shouted from inside my curtain, "then why the hell are you plucking your eyebrows? Go there with unruly eyebrows la!"

Because the eyebrow plucking thing's gonna cost 5 bucks while getting makeup done will prob cost anything between 20 to 30 bucks.

She's so unwilling to invest in the audition, I think she doesn't deserve to win.

My sis was waiting outside. According to her, the girl is not pretty at all and wearing really thick makeup with lots of eyeliner to make her eyes look big. Give me a fright! She said natural's the way to go, I really thought she's only go there with plucked eyebrows to scare the living daylights out of the judges there.

Cheapskate dun say, say you are going for the natural look. Pui!

Thing is, I don't buy this natural's the way to go crap. Then don't pluck your eyebrows and shave your armpit hair. Don't rebond or cut your hair. Don't brush your teeth, dont wear perfume. Heck, you should even bathe with flowers since soap is man made.

My stand is this, girls should make up. We should do whatever we can to improve our natural qualities. If your eyes is small, use eyeliner. If you got bad skin, go for facial and use concealer. If you have ugly hair, fix it. Not for anyone but ourselves. Girls are made to make the world look better. We can be rich and smart while we're at it too. :p

I don't mean we need to look dramatically made up. Makeup is used to bring out the best qualities in you and to hide the flaws as much as possible.

And if you've done at least one thing in your life to improve your look, don't be a hypocrite and tell me natural's the way to go.

I don't believe in going all natural. Neither do I believe in overdoing it. But covering our flaws and bringing out our best features, that's basic respect. For yourself and whoever's going to meet you on the streets.

Post note editorial: I should go and die. I just allowed myself to go downstairs with pimple cream on my face, oily skin and messed up hair. This natural's the way shit is getting to me. I will not repeat it again, I will make sure I fix my hair and face before ever stepping out of my gate. No need to make up la, making up to go downstairs is overdoing it.

I'm giving up

2008-05-17T20:15:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I got so violently upset at someone whose stupidity and arrogance hit the fucking limit.

Seriously, I don't know why I even bothered to tell her, or why I allowed myself to be affected by her. It's not worth it, for someone who can't even be bothered to understand where I'm coming from, it's not worth it.

Seek first to understand, than to be understood.

I heard that phrase at least twice in the last week, little did I expect to apply it so soon. I understood, she didn't understand. But that's ok, it's her loss not mine.

I saw myself of 16/17 in her. The arrogance, the I'm-better-than-the-rest mindset all magnified in her. Hahaha, seriously, I was not half as deluded as her.

This kind of people need a hard knock to their head. And if they manage to get up after the knock, swing the door at their face. They need to be knocked repeatedly until they see the problem and stop asking, "why are you doing this? I did nothing wrong!"

Thankfully, I got my knocks in time, I'm less deluded these days.

"If you're good, you don't have to tell others. People will know you're good and they will say it for you."

2008-05-14T21:24:00.002+08:00

I managed to wake up at 05:30 a.m. today, dragged myself to the toilet to bathe and dress up for work. I almost tied myself to my cupboard because the bed was calling out to me to lie on it, tempting me, this evil lil creature.

I swear I almost died at work today. They've been feeding my tired lil brain with a lot of info, which I really appreciate 'cos some other ward might just leave me to swim my way through. Went for a one hour talk and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was so tired, I think I can even sleep while walking.

I don't even know why I'm so tired. I think I've got sufficient sleep but it feels like I've only slept for 3 hours when I've slept for more than 7 hours. Today I came home and slept for 2 hours or so. And still I feel like I need more sleep!

How like that? How can I function when can I function when I'm so sleepy all the time?

I'm so tired I nearly went mad

2008-05-13T20:40:00.003+08:00

Not kidding, I thought I was gonna die from exhaustion or something. Today, I think I walked 3000 times around the ward with one lil old lady.

I think you become a little slimmer looking after dementia patients because they keep forgetting that they've done a particular thing before and keep doing it. Never mind if they forgot they've eaten, food we have plenty, we can always give it to them. Thing is, if they keep forgetting that they've "patrolled" a particular area before, they'll keep wanting to walk and so, good luck to whoever's gonna walk with them. I think the distance we walked today can be measured in km.

I could have gone nuts with all the walking la!

And what's more, I need to collect my stupid graduation gown. I only realised today that NYP is so big and of all places, they had to hide the collection centre at some ulu destination in business school.

Ok, so I combed the whole of business school, totally forgetting that business school has a first floor! Yea, in nyp, some school blocks start with level 2 instead of level 1 cos we're supposedly on a hill. I asked a bunch of punks playing loud music and they told me to collect it at Forum. Where the hell is that? I never heard of that place in all my 3 years la!

And so they told me it was block E. So fine, I walked from block B to E, bearing in mind I'd already combed the whole business school prior to this and am lugging my uniform and shoes around. I'm sweaty, irritated, pressed for time and hungry.

To be fair, they were just being nice but I'd rather they just shut up and save me all the walking. One of them was quite nice, he asked if I'd found the place when he saw me walking back. I told him, in my nicest tone that that's not where we should collect, still irritated that I had to walk so much.

So I found the place and there was this chirpy young girl who went on and on about the gowns, order forms and what not. I felt like stapling her mouth to stop her from talking! Then there was this fella at the counter who was trying to be funny but I don't appreciate his joke. I forced a laugh, said thank you and walked away.

Which reminds me, I'll have to be a good worm today, sleep early, wake up at 5:30 a.m. for work. And my stupid phone keeps hanging on me! I need to bring it down to nokia soon.

Could you just listen?

2008-05-12T19:58:00.002+08:00

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same paper.

I can do for myself; I'm not helpless - maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

When that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make more sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people - because God is mute, and He/She doesn't give advice or try to fix things.

"They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me.

And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.

--Author Unknown--

Mother's day

2008-05-12T19:22:00.006+08:00

I think my mum is a big fan of our artwork. When we were younger we used to make her mother's day cards. We made them thinking it's gonna end up in the bin like within the next 5 seconds. But being kids, we did them anyway.

And she being mum, accepted them anyway, never said it's ugly and never threw a single one away. She laughed at my sis idea of sticking green beans on her mother's day cards though. But kept them to this day, with the green beans!

Years passed and we grew older. Somehow, we thought cards were childish and stopped making them. We saved up and bought presents for her. But I think she liked those childish cards more.

So this year, my sis and me got together to make this.

Yea, us hard at work. You know you're not a kid anymore when you start co-ordinating colours, thinking of what colour goes with what colour before starting to paint instead of just sitting down and starting to paint what you like.

The end result looks like what a normal butterfly would look. Like we saw a luminous green horse that day, how I envy the child's creativity and boldness. I wish I took a pic of that green horse, looked so neopets-like. I think horses look pretty in neon colours, scientists should do some research and make us some neon coloured horses!