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About the GrumpyQueen


A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

If you wanna be linked, just tag ok?

Favourite posts


| How to revert back to old blogger template |
| Glitz and glamour |
| My lil goddaughter |
| 07/07/07 |
| Universe's theory |
| A senseless mess |
| Last class party pics |
| Rambling about stupid aunties |
| Last day of school pics |
| Last day of school pics |
| Tales of the SINGAPOREAN rojak |
| Killing cockroach with Sis I |
| Killing cockroach with Sis II |
| You know you're a Nurse when... |
| Thailand 2007 |
| Taiwan 2008 |
Friends


My old blog | My other blog | Anru |Bernard | Arianz | Cherryl | Candice | Christine | Darren |Emma | Fel | Lady Rose | Moose | Mable Bee | Oda | Princess Snow | Toe Queen | Yvonne |


Credits


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Speak To Me


Please use my haloscan to comment on specific posts by clicking on the
"Speak your mind"
link at the end of each post.

For misc/random comments just tag on the latest post.

I'm just too sick and tired of a tagboard with a short term memory.

Thanks! :)


History


December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
May 2010
June 2010
September 2010
October 2010




The only reason why I'm writing this at this unearthly hour is cos I'm at work and finished all my reports..like FINALLY!

Anyway, today I collected my baby, my security blanket from Nokia, in time for my night. Just imagine, I'd surely lose it if I have to work an entire night without baby.

So yea, when I arrived, they gave me a number--38, informed me that they're now serving number 37. I mean great la, I don't have to wait long. Who's to know, I sat there and when the guy at the counter ( I presume that's 37) left, they started calling one bunch of random guys to collect their phones, leaving me there, sitting like an idiot.

After what seemed eternity, because I was also rushing back to catch some sleep, they finally flashed my number, collected my receipt and told me sit at the counter and wait.

They also collected the ones behind me.

But the collection process was fast, I only needed to sign somewhere and I was good to go.

The thing is, I felt like they're cheating our feelings la. Why flash 37 and give 38 the impression that she's next in line when she's not? Why don't they just hire someone to be some receipt collector so that the damn board accurately reveals the REAL person they're serving?

Geez, pissed me off so much, am sleepy now. TIme for coffee!

27.9.08 2:24 AM

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Today, the cabbies didn't piss me off. The bus driver did. The idiot old fart was taking his own sweet time crawling to my bus stop.

I nearly wanted to take over the driving.

I really hate working on weekends. I used to become so bitter when I have to wake up early on a weekend morning for work. I think, as I go along, I've lost that feeling. There's no weekend, only off or working days.

Now, I'm only bitter when people ask me out and I can only go, "I'm working la!"

The only thing I like about weekends is that there's basically nothing much to do.

I suggest they give some kind weekend allowance to nurses who work on weekends. Why don't they have it ar?

Oh forget it...if they'd just give me my 3 days off, I shall be so eternally grateful to them. Forget about weekend allowance.

But like we always say, "wait long then have la!"

20.9.08 5:50 PM

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I am just hopping mad la.

Today, I had to take a cab to work. Anyway, I was downstairs at 0625, trying to flag for a cab. No cab, FINE.

0627, cab no. 1 appeared, got snatched by some idiot waiting at the bus stop. Well he probably didn't need to reach office at 7 am like me, like which office worker does? I bet he just wants to save on the 35% surcharge but never mind.

Less than 30 secs later, cab no. 2 appeared and got snatched by another fella at the same bus-stop. By now am hopping mad already.

So I decided to walk to the bus stop so no one will snatch my cabs.

On the way there, which is about a 3 min walk, I saw 2 cabs and frantically tried to flag them down. BOTH! BOTH! The nerve of them, these little old farts, BOTH turned into a carpark less than 10 metres away.

By now, I'm already so mad I'm cursing under my breath.

But never mind, I reached the bus stop and managed to flag a cab down.

Story doesn't end there. The idiot took a longer way but I was already to pissed to be pissed off any more.

So that bloody turn cost me an extra $1 or so and when we reached, the fare was $6.10. The idiot gave me 10 cents discount and I thanked him, only because I was in uniform.

In my mind I was like, you already cheated me of $1, what is 10 cents la?

When I closed the door, I felt like kicking it so that I can cause a dent in it. But I was afraid of spoiling my shoes.

*mutters under breath*

17.9.08 7:17 PM

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You can't commit bigamy on facebook!



Well, I just found out in the middle of last night. Was trying to marry 2 people on facebook at the same time.

But if you do that, you get this, "(insert name of third party) is already in a relationship!"

I even tried being listed as being in an open relationship! But why can't I be in an open relationship with 2 people? Why?!

Don't ask me why I did that. People do mad things when they're on their third night, counting down to sleeping day.

K, now for the more serious stuff.

I was really on the verge of quitting nursing the other day. I once said, if I ever lose interest in psy med, I might just quit nursing altogether.

I haven't lost interest. I've lost the will to carry on.

It was a whole series of events, exhaustion and what-not but this stupid, manipulative and ugly bitch was the last straw.

I just don't get it. What joy do people get from manipulating everyone around them and putting words into other people's mouths?

I did not say what you said I said, you stupid f**k!

And there was no way someone could accidentally misinterpret what I said unless that's what they wanted to hear and purposely picked out phrases to their advantage, conveniently leaving out info that's detrimental to their arguement.

Maybe that's why lawyers are paid so much. They spend all their waking time picking out loopholes in the legal system.

And she didn't win the argument because she's smart, she won only because she's one old cow and I'm just a calf.

But I don't get why she had to do this, when I did nothing to offend her.

And I'm not talking about the patient, I'm talking about his relative here.

Psy med is not easy at all. It's mentally taxing, and not to forget these things run in families. We might be dealing with more than one patient at the same time.

Really, these manipulative bastards get my goat.

But what really stung was...when other healthcare workers choose to believe outsiders rather then their own colleagues. This is not the first, definitely not the last time something like that happens.

When will people learn? Healthcare is hard enough, and if we still insist on fighting among ourselves, people will always take advantage of this weakness.

There should not be this "I'm superior to you" nonsense. We just do different stuff, because you can't have everyone doing the same task in a team.

*snickers*

But what the hell. Even nurses fight amongst themselves.

If you (who know how hard is it to do the job) make it hard for your colleagues, what more outsiders, who know nuts about the profession?

14.9.08 7:44 PM

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I'm sorry I don't have anything remotely interesting today.

Am really starting to feel the strain of working in a psy ward, I think, I'm heading towards a burnout.

The day I lose interest in psychiatry is probably the day I give up nursing altogether.

And words cannot adequately describe how I feel towards certain patients eg the anxious or the depressed. I don't know how to comfort them, it's killing me just to sit there to keep reassuring them.

I know it's not their fault they're scared about everything under the sun. I know it's also not their fault they don't feel like doing anything but cry in bed.

I feel like yelling at them, I really do. And it upsets me that I should think like that.

To the anxious, I feel like telling them to get off my back and give me time, some time to fulfil their request instead of bugging me every 30 seconds wondering if I forgot about them, or wondering if the doc lost his way to the ward, or maybe, just maybe the doc had a nightmare and ran home to his mummy which is why he didn't come and prescribe whatever stupid med you requested for.

To the depressed, I feel like screaming at them everytime they refuse to even get out of bed to wash up. Damn it la! Why don't you just try?! Why don't you just throw yourself off the bed and try?!

And I hate myself for thinking like that, just because I'm honestly too tired emotionally to comfort, to even care if you're too upset to live.

Last thing, Murphy's law states that...

"If anything can go wrong, it will. At the most inopportune time, it will be your fault and everyon will know it."

"If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong"

"If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway"

Fact of my life.

7.9.08 11:48 PM

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damn those mad rioters!



What the hell are they trying to do?

Look, I don't give a damn that god knows how many million people are affected by I don't know what political decision. All I know is, I can't go for my Thailand holiday and I'm effing pissed!

I've been looking forward to it for the longest time. The only thing that stood between us is my job confirmation. 'Cos once I'm confirmed, I can take leave. Once I can take leave....

But now, this shit has to happen!

Why don't they just a) look for jobs/make more pretty stuff and earn money. Or b) sit at home and eat grass while waiting for something called divine retribution.

*snickers*

Now we know why people like me have to be born in this comfortable, clean but boring singapore where there's nothing much to do except worry for your PSLE and O levels.

And when we fail one or both of the important exams, we can jolly well go jump down cos there's nothing else to do here.

But then again, a mundane life can be considered some form of happiness. Some stability is always good for our mental wellbeing. Otherwise, hospitals won't adhere to some form of system or timetable. We can have 3 am ward rounds and doctors can come in their pjs.

A miracle just happened. I lost my lip balm 2 days ago. And I wasted a few minutes yesterday and today morning looking for it. TWO CONSECUTIVE MORNINGS! I suspected my house lizards stole them.

But ya, a few minutes ago, I found it again. Just when I was not looking that hard.

The best things happen when you're not looking too hard or trying too hard. :D

I'm a happy girl, cos whoever that found the lip balm on the floor and put it on the computer table just saved me 10 odd dollars.

6.9.08 6:50 PM

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I might get killed for this...



But heck, I write what I like on my blog. I took my blog address off facebook cos I find myself holding back so much. I'm trapped in the very thing that's supposed to liberate me from the constraints of daily life.

Like swearing, like being really really honest, like making very little effort to conceal my dislikes. Swearing is not really me, but sometimes, a 'bloody little piece of shit' works better then 'a parasite' or 'an irritating person.'

The oomph is just not there!

And so, for the past 2 days since coming back from my night duty, I've been stuck with this big piece of shit who's a famous troublemaker throughout the hospital.

1) He had the guts to make so many requests which includes asking for a private class diet. The nerve of him, when he owes the hospital quite a big sum of money.

2) He should just shut his bloody trap, pack his things and scramble out of a B2 ward into a C class ward. How dare he plant himself on a B2 bed when there is a cheaper alternative available and when he knows he can't pay for even the cheaper option?!

People will not be denied treatment just because they can't pay for it. But it gets my goat when people make so many unnecessary and expensive requests when they know they can't even pay for the basic ones.

And how dare he accuse the hospital's staff of being racists?

I mean, maybe some of them are like that, that we can't do much about it!

Just like how there are one too many people from the same race acting in a similar manner.

1) Overly dramatic with pain

2) Being very demanding (whether or not they can pay for it) and when their demands are not being met, accuse the hospital of being racist.

Now, if the above 2 points are criterias for being labelled an "irritating specimen", is it fair for us to label that particular race as a race of irritating specimens just because one too many of their counterparts have displayed the above 2 traits? Now, is it fair then, for us to treat irritating specimens the way they need to be treated, not the way patients should be treated?

No right?!

Therefore, is it fair to label all hospital staff as racists just because you've met too many who've been nasty to you? Have you created enough shit for them to throw back at you?

Sometimes, it is probably the mindset of certain individuals that they should be placed higher than the rest and be given VIP treatment. And when they're not being given that kind of treatment for the simple reason that they can't afford it, they kick up a huge fuss.

Expectations are a good thing, they are only bad when they're unrealistic and when the one who's making the demands cannot afford to pay for them. It's like walking into a shop demanding that they sell you a $200 item when you're prepared to pay only $20 for it.

At least ask nicely la! Like, "errm, do you think you can consider selling me this item even though I got only $20?"

No leh! He's got the guts and audacity to demand that we do it! And now who do you think you are la?

Nobody is looking down on your race. They're looking down on you. And nobody is looking down on you because of the race you belong to but how you behaved; in a stupid and rude manner.

People might forgive you if you act stupidly since not everyone is born with a high IQ. But no one should be rudely demanding. Well, unless the monkeys raised you la, then I've got nothing to say.

In this age of meritocracy, no one can make you feel stupid if you've proven, beyond reasonable doubt that you're smart.

No one should be able to tell you, "hey you're bloody stupid cos you come from a race of imbeciles" if you've proven yourself to be someone worth their salt.

*walks away mumbling away to self*

*chuckles*

A funny thought just came to me.

When I was a little newer to the ward, I used to get absolutely distressed when a patient comes up to me, mumbles something and then walks away. I'd run after them trying to find out what they just said. And I won't be able to get a logical answer from them. Ha! But these days, I kinda of accept that some patients, you may never be able to carry out a normal conversation with them without giving yourself a major headache from all the guesswork!

Maybe the hospital should sue him, for whatever reason, I don't really care. We should get our big shot lawyer to scare the shit out of him and hopefully, his imaginary lawyer will find his own way out of this man's life.

You know why we say imaginary? Because one of us saw him calling the starhub enquiry line pretending to talk to his "lawyer. "

The best part is, no he's not a psy patient. People like him are called "crazy people" Psy patients are called mentally ill, or psychiatric patients. Psy patients act the way the do because of an illness. People like him act like that because they're...crazy.

5.9.08 4:36 PM

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It's my last night and I should be sleeping blissfully by now. Something happened and now I'm VERY FUCKING ALERT AND TOO FUCKING PISSED TO SLEEP.

I know she meant well. I know she has her plus points and I really respect her. How she manages to piss me off beyond a tolerable and reasonable level never ceases to amaze me.

Look, I know I get ruffled easily. I know I've got a bad temper and can be as stubborn as a mule. But really, in terms of stubborness, she wins hands down. No questions.

Back to me getting ruffled easily. People piss me off, day in, day out with their silly antics, nothing new there. But my anger's always kept at a reasonable and tolerable level. I may scream or rant away but I won't feel like gobbling the person up so that he/she would just disappear and stop talking.

With her, she's able to dig out that kind of response from the depths of my soul--just by being her.

I just don't get it la. She can make me so angry...

1) I don't feel like arguing with her. Arguing with her is like arguing with someone from another planet. Both parties liak bo kiu (catch no ball).

2) I feel like throwing myself against the wall and killing myself to get some peace.

I'm not saying I'm entirely blameless here. And the good thing about her is how she's so committed, tries her best, never slipshod on purpose. And she could have just shut up but she didn't and taught me a damn good lesson.

I recognise that I'm at fault (at least to some extent) here. But her solution to rectifying the whole mistake is so amazing it really left me dumbfounded.

The experience also left me very, very cold and numb. If anything, I should thank her for knocking some sense in me.

I guess, with this, it's high time I fling out any naive trust I had when I first stepped in.

A child trusts unconditionally. It's with life's trials, experience with betrayals that he/she finally learns to approach with caution, to trust conditionally.

And really, I think it's high time this child learns to trust like an adult.

Lastly, I don't get why nurses make life so difficult for each other. Why isn't there some kind of uneseen sisterhood? What joy do people get from stepping on other people or cocking up so someone else has to pick up shit after you?

2.9.08 8:53 AM

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