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About the GrumpyQueen


A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

If you wanna be linked, just tag ok?

Favourite posts


| How to revert back to old blogger template |
| Glitz and glamour |
| My lil goddaughter |
| 07/07/07 |
| Universe's theory |
| A senseless mess |
| Last class party pics |
| Rambling about stupid aunties |
| Last day of school pics |
| Last day of school pics |
| Tales of the SINGAPOREAN rojak |
| Killing cockroach with Sis I |
| Killing cockroach with Sis II |
| You know you're a Nurse when... |
| Thailand 2007 |
| Taiwan 2008 |
Friends


My old blog | My other blog | Anru |Bernard | Arianz | Cherryl | Candice | Christine | Darren |Emma | Fel | Lady Rose | Moose | Mable Bee | Oda | Princess Snow | Toe Queen | Yvonne |


Credits


Designed by islenska | Blogger | Blogskins.com


Speak To Me


Please use my haloscan to comment on specific posts by clicking on the
"Speak your mind"
link at the end of each post.

For misc/random comments just tag on the latest post.

I'm just too sick and tired of a tagboard with a short term memory.

Thanks! :)


History


December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
May 2010
June 2010
September 2010
October 2010

Sleeping is a form of escaping


Sleeping is just another form of escaping.
What if one is denied even that?
30.6.07 10:32 PM
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Searching for the truth


It seems to me, people can't seem to tell what's the truth anymore. What is truth? Why is it important? If we know the truth, will we get more money?

What is a white lie? It used to be defined as a lie told with good intentions. How do we determine if one's intentions were good or bad?

I find myself having to act more on the promptings of my own conscience. There are situations where the boundary between black and white is blurred. Situations where by I act for the benefit of one person but may bring about hurt to another. It's then where you'll have to weigh which is more important, which will bring the most benefit and least harm.

I believe there will come a time in your life when you actively associate yourself with the truth. Lies leave you disillusioned. When you can no longer tell what's a lie and what's the truth, you'll actively seek the truth, because it'll set you free. You'll know what's the next step, you'll know the rationale behind it, you'll know that even if you died pursing something, you died for the truth.
29.6.07 9:55 PM
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Muahahaha


I managed to find out how to put a pic of yourself in the about you section...



I know the pic is not the best of pics, but this will have to do until I find a better one. At least it's yellow and should not violate the theme of my whole skin.



I wanted to add a regal looking frame but felt that it'll make it look like an obituary instead. :p



I should be nicer, kinder and more demure.



They say if you can't be a good example, be a warning to the others...



I think I'm good enough reason why people should listen to their mothers on matters such as etiquette and what-not.



Like when we were younger, our mothers used to go, "see the road sweeper there? If you don't study, you'll be like him!"



This time it is, "see that jie jie over there? don't listen to me, will be like her!"



I'm imagining the kids faces, twisted up in horror because they don't want to spend the rest of their lives locked up.
27.6.07 10:13 PM
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Depressed mood


Is there anyone who's not depressed?

Imagine trying a bring a big brick wall down...

Imagine that your loved ones are trapped behind that wall,

What if you have only yourself to depend on?

No friends, no tools to help bring that wall down...

There is so much anxiety, what are the chances of demolishing that wall?

I could scratch at it until it comes crumbling down...

Maybe if I shout continuously, it will shatter like glass pieces...

If I bang my head against it, which will be destroyed first?

Helplessness. Anxiety.

How about getting the ones on the other side to help me?

No. They don't even know that they're trapped

They probably won't realise until it's too late

They're too absorbed in their own world to hear what I've got to say

Help me to help you get out of this!

My cries often go unheard...

Frustration. Helplessness. Anxiety.

Do you know what it's like?
24.6.07 7:43 PM
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yuan lai ai qing ze me shang


I think this song has beautiful lyrics. Sometimes, I think Mandarin songs describe love, the highs and lows of it in a very beautiful, poetic manner.

English songs sometimes fail to bring out the very essence of love. Their descriptions of love is almost idealistic, you can't seem to connect with the song simply because you don't know how/what to feel. They have a story behind the song that you're supposed to follow. So what happens if you haven't experienced love in the way that the songwriter described it to be?

That said, I'm probably not going to turn into a Mandarin song fan anytime soon. I'm still most comfortable with English. Which explains why I had to listen to this song 3 times before I noticed the beautiful lyrics...


我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮

东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场

我忍住不想时间变得更漫长

也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想


我日月无光忙得不知所以然

找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙

以为会习惯有你在才是习惯

你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤比想象中还难

泪水总是不听话

幸福躲起来不声不响

太多道理太牵强道理全是一样

说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

只想变的坚强强到能够去忘

无所谓悲伤只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤

原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转

泪水明明流不干瞎了眼还要再爱一趟

有一天终于打完思念的一场战回过头再看一看
12:23 AM
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Crown fascination


I'm crazy about crowns. Royal fever I would say. My blog looks regal, I just bought 2 tops without realising that they look good because of the crown design on it. Haha I was wondering why I like the tops so much when I noticed the crown designs on it.



The one with the pink background is the black version of the one on the purple background...

Coloured crystals version, I guess this is not me... The black version appeals to me better.


If the above 3 designs is not enough, this is like so much more exciting than the above 3. This is Napoleon's gift to his wife! Isnt it pretty? It's in my favourite sky blue colour!
23.6.07 10:34 PM
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Victory!


Haha this is hardly any victory but I thought it was rather exciting, since I found out about this accidentally so I need to blog about it.

If you already know, just pretend you don't can?

~Sighs~I was forced to switch to the "new" blogger and all was fine until I decided to change my blog address and skin. It seems that when we switch to the new blogger, our templates are automatically "upgraded" into layouts, as you can see in the picture below.And so, that's not really a problem until you wanna change blogskins.

If you use the html codes you find on sites like blogskins.com, they're going to give you all sorts of stupid error messages and you can't make changes to your blogskin. Hence, you now have to live with those standard blogskins they have...






I hate resigning myself to fate, so this is what I did to change the layout into the old blogger templates so I can use those pretty blogskins again! The screenshots are pretty much self-explanatory since I can't really explain in words how I did it...
Click on the pictures for an enlarged version k?






















Victory! Pretty blogskins, here I come...




Post updated 21st Aug 2007:


For the benefit of those who were never on the old blogger, this screenie was added to show you how to update your template from now on...


Dashboard-->Template-->Edit HTML





When you click on the edit HTML, you'll come to the screen as shown in the screenie before this screenie. Paste the html of the blogskin in the appropriate section.
22.6.07 3:52 PM
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Happy birthday!


Wanted to start my new blog with something a little more positive...

Don't know if you're going to read it, but...



HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Many happy returns!



And so, the Gatekeeper gains a new identity on the 21st of June 2007- -The Grumpy Queen



Grumpy queen suits me don't you think? To commerate my new blog, I made a new email...
grumpyqueen@gmail.com



I also made a youtube account...
username: grumpyqueen



What else?



My friendster url: www.friendster.com/grumpyqueen




Also shifted 'cos I managed to find a way to retain my posts and their original date/time. I love this skin, I love the url. Hahahaha maybe I'm just crazy...
21.6.07 1:29 AM
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How to raise children has been a problem ever since Adam and Eve raised Cain

Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Do what you said

A simple logic, how many of us get it?

If you can't do it, why criticise the rest who can't as well? Will criticising them make you feel any better? I feel it reminds you of your own failure. And you know what? You're far worse than them, 'cos you don't have the guts to face up to your own failure. How pathetic is that?

If you don't believe in it, why teach your children that? If a salesman wants to sell off a product, what's the most convincing thing he could say? That he himself uses the product! It works, almost everytime. I think it's the same with life, you can only teach someone something if you believe in it.

Some people are wonderful people, but terrible parents. Maybe it's because they never really believed in the things that their own parents taught them. It's like, their parents told them to study but they never really saw the importance of education but studied because their parents said so. Anyway, they did well and got a good job, got married and had kids. When it was time for their kids to go to school, they did what their parents did, nag at them to study. But deep down inside, they are still questioning the importance of education. You think their kids can't read body language?

I just lost that train of thoughts that prompted this entry...

I miss my lil cousin a lot. Will need to find time to visit her and play with her...

I'm gonna get a tiny cousin soon, am still wondering if it's a girl or boy...

I still haven't found my train of thoughts so I should just shut up...
20.6.07 2:08 PM
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I might wanna shift my blog. Setting up a new blog is so time consuming and stressful I might as well stick with this.

Update 21/6/07: Blog shifted!

www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com (4th Dec 2006-21st Jun 2007)


Been busy, with a chalet, hospital trips and driving.

I didn't know driving can entertain me so well, looking back, the most significant events this holidays were my lessons. What did I do for driving, what stupid mistake did I make this time etc...

Oh yea, I did my first TERRIBLE u-turn in my life! It was worse then my first. Imagine the steering in full-lock, engine stalled on a gentle slope. The car moved backwards when the engine stalled, the wheel turning back to it's original position because I was too shocked to hold on to it, the car spinning out of control because of it. How cool is that?
19.6.07 5:18 PM
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A bad tempered lil girl


That's what I'd call myself for now. A pertulant kid. My bad temper used to be an open secret among family and friends, now it's common knowledge even among aquantainces.

I seem to have little or low tolerance for stupidity. What is wrong with me?!
14.6.07 9:54 PM
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confused


Been doing a lot of thinking. About adulthood, about my future and religion.



All I can say is, I looked back and thought, "what happened?!"



I want me back again. I don't know who this person is. In a desperate attempt to avoid the mistakes of others, I've made some new ones of my own.



I want to go back to the time when I'm secure of myself, when I won't be thrown off equilibrium just like that. Note that the state of equilibrium is extremely important to me, it's distressing when I lose it. Which means, I don't really like changes. I recognise the importance of moving forward and changing but each change will cause us to lose our state of equilibrium for a while.



I used to get over changes in life pretty quickly, losing my state of equilibrium only momentarily. These days, it seems I remain lost a little longer.



On a random note, I seem to be in the mood for Christmas, listening to Christmas carols...
11.6.07 12:01 AM
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When we look back and wonder why we loved


Would you look back and wonder why you loved someone so crazily back then? Maybe when you're 60 or 70 telling your grandchildren how you met their grandpa, how you fell in love and how you married him, would you also think of the people you've loved before their grandpa? Would you regret? If you could turn back time, would you still love them?

We can't turn back time so the last question is quite stupid.

Love always leaves a mark, it will fade but it'll never go away.

We may regret some decisions that we make but I suppose you can't regret loving who you loved. Decisions come from the mind, love comes from the heart. If we could choose who to love, then everyone would choose the best for themselves. The one most unlikely to break hearts, who earns a fat paycheck, who drives the best car etc...

And since people still love "wrong" people, people's hearts are still broken daily, therefore I conclude that there is no way that you can regret that you loved someone. Because, you had no choice. There was nothing to decide. You didn't wake up one morning and decide, "oh, let me love him/her." Your heart went and did its thing, love.

And the quote which triggered this whole post?

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was out of my control"
9.6.07 9:52 PM
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Exercise is good for ya


Fitness test today. I wanted to get an exemption. If you all don't already know, I managed to get exempted for 2 years straight. In other words, it's been about 4 years since I last trained for NAPFA..

I figured, they're not going to put the word, FAIL on my slip. I'm going to get 2 CCA points for participation and bronze. So even if I trained, would get a bronze. I might as well go there and just participate, fail never mind what...

I failed. But thankfully, no need to complete the 2.4 km run. So me and my friends, we ran for like 2 rounds, dashed the last 100 metres and gave up.

I'm not here to flaunt my unfitness. The reward came later. I found out what was missing in my life.

EXERCISE!

I was feeling lethargic and depressed for a long time, if you cannot tell by looking at my face, go back and read my previous entries. I changed my diet, changed my sleeping habits, tried sleeping a bit more, a bit less or maybe a little earlier but it didn't work. My mom was saying it's the lack of exercise. I reasoned, I practically dash to class every day, walk fast, make an effort to take a 10 min walk home. Is that not exercise? Well, I'm not ballooning into a fat pig, I must be having enough exercise!

I was so wrong. The above is probably exercise to some extent. When I rush to class or walk fast to the next destination, my mind is not relaxed. I'm stressed out, therefore, I don't enjoy the full benefits of the exercise. So pek chek, how to enjoy?

Today, I was just running, having fun, laughing at myself. When I finished, my muscles were shouting for mercy but I felt lighter and happier. When I saw myself all sweaty in the mirror, I saw that glow in my face that has been absent for a long time. My frustrations were gone. I had the energy for exercise, never made the effort. Now, when the energy is released, you feel happier.

So I wanna exercise more. Swim like how I used to. I suddenly feel the love for singing returning. One song that caught my attention today.
7.6.07 10:39 PM
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Nice song


If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me
All of the things, that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day December is darkest, in June there's the light
But this empty bedroom won't make anything right
But out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night
3.6.07 9:27 PM
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I'm strong