♥ Queen of all Grumpy Old Farts ♥

About the GrumpyQueen

A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

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Finally, a slightly happier post

I was still quite unhappy until 4 pm today. But being part of a great team that delivered a fantastic presentation today made me feel A LOT better. It was not the praises from the lecturer that made me happy, it was the fact that everyone chipped in and supported each other throughout. I also received a pleasant surprise soon after. That, helped to put everything into perspective.

The above 2 incidents helped to brighten up my day but there are still things bothering me. I'm probably just going to leave everything as it is and see how many surprises I can get. After all, what is God for? He must be quite busy, thinking of 1001 ways to surprise me. Then if he still has some spare time, he'd be thinking of ways to sort out my screwed up life, to make sure I remain on the right track.

I've got so many questions for which I don't have any answers for. I'd probably take a long time to get answers, because I find myself going around in circles and coming back to square one. I want to do what feels right, not what I think is right. But somehow, I cannot help but use logic to question my heart. My heart doesn't have a brain, she's dumb and just emotional. She can only tell my brain in her tiny little voice, "I don't know, it feels right, do it, do it!" My brain would bellow loudly, "shut up, you emotional little thing! Do it? Have you thought of the consequences? Do you know what it's going to cost you?" Consequences. What a huge word. How can an emotional little thing understand such a big word? All she can do is tell the brain what she feels and get yelled at. He'd never listen to her. He'd never listen because he feels he has it all under control. He knows what to do, how to do it and when to do it.

It's not that the brain never listens. Deep inside, he knows that sometimes, the heart may be right. That we should be a little more spontaneous and not hold back too much. He knows that the heart knows something that he doesn't. How to love. Although she'd get hurt and it'd be his responsibility to get back at the joker who made her cry, she never stops loving. That's why, in love the head and heart should remain united. The head to evaluate the situation and see if it's worth the risk. The heart to love and if she gets hurt in the process, the head will step in and make sure the idiot would regret even leaving his mother's womb. The heart would probably step in, if she's not too hurt and plead for leniency. Then she'd leave quietly to cry in a corner, to repair herself and muster up the courage to love again.

What if they're meant for each other and are going to learn how to live happily ever after? The head doesn't just rot and die there. The heart, although good at loving, can become a little too emotional and may start with a little too many unrealistic dreams for the future. The head sticks around to remind her that love is not all about gazing deep into one another's eyes and not eating. Life has to go on, we still need to eat, sleep, shit and pay bills right?

Oh well, what a weird little post I have there. I guess I haven't found that state of equilibrium yet.

5.1.07 8:26 PM

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