♥ Queen of all Grumpy Old Farts ♥

About the GrumpyQueen

A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

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History

December 2006
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October 2010

I realised...

I realised I love having people fuss over me and nag at me. I love it when they show concern, even if it's done in the most irritating manner like nagging. It's then that I realise that I'm still alive and part of this world. Sometimes while they're nagging away, I'd continue irritating them just so that they would nag more. While they're still nagging, I sometimes look at them and wish to hug them, tell them how much I appreciate them.

I also like talking to people I just met. Because they convince me that I'm nice. Because I'm always psychotic, smiling and laughing away. Yes, even if I'm feeling like shit inside, I wanna smile and laugh and appear cheerful. No one likes talking to a dried prune after all.

What I still find difficult is talking to people I'm supposed to like but actually hate. It's like you have to maintain the smile, keep the jokes coming while making sure your hand doesn't make an involuntary action like slapping the bitch across her face while making a joke. People say it's easy to see if I like or dislike someone. No it's not. It's easy only because I make it so. I make my displeasure known by not saying more than 5 sentences to that idiot. That's so much easier than trying to hide it while making a joke and controlling your limbs. One wrong move and the enemy would realise how much you hate them.

The worst part is if the person you hate is a friend of another friend. How the hell are you supposed to say, "hey I hate that friend of yours. I think he/she is the most obnoxious, disgusting little goblin I've ever met!" Or worse, if that friend of yours would like for you to get along with her friend! And you really wish you could tell her, "hey, you know what? Just because you like that slimy little goblin doesn't mean I should like her too!" But you bite your tongue and just try your very best to get along with that goblin so you don't make your friend's life difficult and because you really treasure her friendship. The WORST, most CRUEL part is, at the end of the whole thing, you're about to give yourself a pat on the shoulder for being such a lovely friend and not spoiling their fun, they happily announce that "since we all get along SO well together, we should all spend time together, doing the things we love doing (correction: we=THEY) " "Of course..." would be my weak reply. Then you see that friend of yours, so happy and pleased that the two important friends in her life are getting on well together.

Is it worth it? I honestly don't know. If it makes you happy, I'd say "why not?" If it's done just to keep your friendship, I'd say, "go find a beautiful grassland, dig a hole, dig and dig, the deepest hole you've ever dug and jump in. Don't worry about covering the hole, I'd be above with a tonne of dung ready to bury you."

I'm curious to know, if one day I force you to choose, what will you do? If I said, "it'll make me happy if you don't mention my name in the same sentence/paragraph as that stupid goblin. It'll also make me happier if you make me feel that I'm more important to you than that slimeball. " Would you do it? Just as I tried to get along with her 'cos I knew how important it is to you, would you do it to make me happier, even if it'll hurt you? If I said that I don't want to hear the junk about how the both of us are equally as important in your eyes and all that bullshit about how we can't choose one friend over the other because they're all different. If I said you had to evaluate BOTH friendships and decide which one means more to you. If the world's going to explode into a million pieces the next minute and you only had one space left on the spaceship to fly one friend to the moon with you. And you cannot do stupid things like give your place up and die with earth while your two friends fly to the moon. If the rule is, one friend+you=safety. Any other stupid ideas and everything will blow up in your face.

Thing about friendship is this, you shared common memories with someone. You talked to them, laughed with them and had loads of fun together. But you cannot expect someone else to feel the same way towards her. Even though that someone else also talked to you, had fun with you and laughed with you. You are that link and frankly, maybe all your friends are getting along to make it less awkward for you.

Thought I wouldn't get personal here but as I wrote, I realised I was writing about the time when I made my friends get along and the time when I had to get along with others for a friend.

28.1.07 11:11 PM

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