♥ Queen of all Grumpy Old Farts ♥

About the GrumpyQueen

A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

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History

December 2006
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October 2010

I'm not a toy, I'm not a clown. I'm a human being. Human beings have feelings too, human beings feel down too, and when the going gets too tough, they cry out for help. Other human beings look at me and say things like "I ahh...sorry I gotta go 'cos someone else needs me more."

Ok fine, even if I'm a clown, clowns are human beings too you know? They were not born with painted faces and brightly coloured clothes. They were born wailing, naked and cold, just like you. The clothes, the painted faces were added on later. If they had a choice, do you think they want to paint their faces and wear ugly, brightly coloured clothes?

I'm so tired of putting people before me. Maybe it's because it's the right thing to do. If you put others before yourself, you're a good person blah blah blah. All I know is that it leaves me tired, drained out at the end of the day. I'm sick of thinking of how pitiful other people are, starving and cold in third world countries. Yes, they're starving and cold physically. I may have clothes to wear, tons of shoes and lots of food enough to clog my arteries with fats and kill me but I'm still cold.

I'm just so tired of hearing, "your life is not too bad you know, at least you have..." I wish I could just strangle whoever that's telling me that. Strangle the life out of that little pixie. Until the poor little creature turns from red to blue. Until I squeeze every ounce of air out of its limp body. Yes, other people have terrible fates too, in fact maybe more terrible then mine. But it doesn't mean the pain the feel is any lesser than mine. Don't you know something about tolerance level? For me, if my dog died and I lost $20 on the way home, that's terrible enough to drive me nuts. But for someone else, their whole family died, they lost $20 million in the stock market, they still can stand up and fight back. GET IT? Different people, different tolerance levels.

And look here, the things you said I have, maybe it's all a pretense. Maybe I beautified things, everything is beautiful because I wanted it to be so. Maybe in actual fact, everything is just shit. So maybe I don't have anything at all.

The only conclusion I got is, you can't fight for something that was never yours to start with. No matter how painful, you have to return whatever that doesn't belong to you.

25.2.07 3:41 PM

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