♥ Queen of all Grumpy Old Farts ♥

About the GrumpyQueen

A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

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Aug Youth mass

I'm probably gonna sound like a Christian fanatic now. Youth mass was ok, I laughed/chuckled during the sermon, which is usually the best time to doze off if you're thinking of it.

Thing that made me laugh was that someone just asked Jesus a simple question and got bombarded with his theories. The priest did not say that, but something to that effect. I imagined the person must be running home to his mummy, saying "this guy mad one, ask him a question he scold me for what?"

Actually the point is not about the guy getting a scolding. Frankly, he really deserved it.

Anyway, I got distracted a little. Halfway through the sermon, my phone vibrated and it felt like I just produced a loud fart. The vibration really felt like a huge gust of air just came out of me and startled me a bit.

Oh yea, today we had to do some survey. They wanna know what a typical Catholic is like. I think whoever's looking at my survey must think I'm someone with multiple personality disorder. In certain sections, you see a well-put together Catholic and on some sections, a dysfunctional and confused one. But if they're not gonna look at the survey as a whole then it's not really such a problem. At least I won't be expecting people scurrying around, looking for this poor kid(me).

Oh, I forgot to add last night, I met a friend whom I haven't seen in a long while. Went on and on about so many things and only reached home at 1130. She said I'm looking more cheerful these days. Is it? I thought I looked more emo. Well, maybe cos I still talk non-stop. Maybe that's why I think I'd never like a guy who doesn't let me talk. Or one who doesn't know what I'm talking about. If he likes talking, maybe we should compete and see who says the first smart thing, forcing the other person to shut up.

I love talking rubbish, and when I can tell you rubbish, I probably would be able to churn out something smart. When one talks too much rubbish, you'll run out of rubbish to say and would come up with smart things to say. Do you think the same thing can be said for someone who continuously finds smart things to say?

I'm going to get controversial here so close the window if you don't like controversial views.

Yea, so back to my questionaire...

Regarding marital status, why don't they include options that say "I'm lesbian/gay." What about those people who're living together? Are they married or single? So what are these people supposed to tick? Are they supposed to run out of church and not complete the survey or raise their hand to clarify for all and sundry to know about what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom? Or maybe they thought gays and lesbians don't come to church. Or maybe, just maybe they wanna trap them, make them ask, identify them then force them back into the "normal" crowd?

Jesus loved tax collectors and prostitutes, even ate with them. Perhaps, it's time to learn how to love those who have supposedly "low morals." So what if one is supposedly happily married but is actually a secret gay prostitute? Hypocrisy is worse then leading a life different from the rest.

I stopped sharing deeply. I don't know how to react when people look at me with pity, when they look like they're going to call the shrink and get me admitted by sunset. I don't know how to tell them that different is not bad, just not the same. I don't know how to tell them that I still have morals, that I love God, I do the right things but I don't know what some people are doing in church. That I've almost become disillusioned with Catholics, not the Catholic faith. I don't know how to tell them that if I see more of such people around, it'll separate me from my faith. I don't want to think I'm one of them. I want to love him in my own way.

Oh, it's worse with our "friendlier" counterparts. The *ahem. They're so nice, warm and welcoming, it feels like a motivational workshop. Those you pay thousands of dollars to hear what you already know, play a few games, shout "I can do it" a few times, feel motivated only to come back to square one in a short time.

They say it's because they're filled with the spirit. Oh whatever, I don't see Jesus prancing around all the time. Yes, it's good to be happy, but it's abnormal to be happy ALL THE TIME, even pretending to be happy when you're seeing a lot of crap. Sadness is not a bad thing but a normal reaction. Thing about happiness is this, if you're genuinely happy it's contagious, otherwise, it's plain freaky.

They're unrealistically optimistic, do they actually believe what they're being told? Or do they secretly doubt it and beat themselves up for it? Do you think that by having "normal" and happy thoughts, you go to heaven? Do you think pagans go to hell? ALL of them? Even the good ones? Would a bad Christian (believer of christ) go to heaven? Who's to know anyway, since we're not God.

What is the right thing? Just doing as you're told? Believing what "the adults" say? Being part of the herd? Even if you're secretly envious of the rebel, you should go "tsk tsk tsk" just to gain acceptance? Do you think God cannot differentiate between a genuine thought and a "correct" thought but is smart enough to create the universe?

The herd syndrome. Where same is good.

25.8.07 11:25 PM

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