♥ Queen of all Grumpy Old Farts ♥

About the GrumpyQueen

A.K.A Gatekeeper

I love food, don't deprive me of it.

I'm not Princess, I'm Queen

I can be quite grumpy and when I am, I hide here, my dungeon for reflections, ramblings and ranting.

Whatever I write are opinions, and may not be the whole truth. Do not read it like the Gospel.

I hate as vehemently as I love
I already know I'm crazy, be my friend, it's safer

Different is not bad, just not the same as the rest

If you don't like me, it's probably mutual
But I'm nice, really :p

Blog started 21st June 2007, shifted from www.thegatekeeperstory.blogspot.com

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October 2010

Shouting match at the S course

Yesterday was a horrible day at the S course. I suck at it. And my instructor's not helping by making me feel like the worse driver in Singapore's history.

Without Nisa and Xue, I would have given up a long long time ago. They make me feel normal, validate my emotions and tell me how to get around things.

All this while, I've been tahan-ing my instructor's nonsense. Sometimes, he really makes you feel useless by changing the gears for you then going, "see I change gears for you." Or telling me to change gears. I thought I was the only one with this problem, until Nisa said she had that happen to her.

Do you know how useless I feel? Sometimes I ask myself what am I doing in the driver's seat if someone has to tell me to change gears or do it for me.

Oh yea, was supposed to talk about the S course thing. I can't get the bloody concept and before I can even strike/mount kerb, my instructor washes my hair with his saliva. That is, give me a good scolding.

Here I am, stressed like shit asking him how much I should turn. There he is, telling me to use my feeling and shouting at me. Then when I use my feeling, he pulls the steering from me. How to judge? How to know if my car is in the middle? THAT'S WHAT I WANNA KNOW, NOT USE MY FEELING ONLY. IN ORDER TO USE THIS SO-CALLED FEELING, I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO JUDGE! But he doesn't understand me...

So he yells and yells and something just snapped inside me. All the pent up frustrations, all the stress within me, plus the anger at myself...

In case you think I hate my instructor, I don't. I hate myself, I feel useless for not being able to drive properly weeks before my TP. If anything, I wish he could do something to make me feel less helpless. To make me feel that it is possible to pass my TP. But no, all he does is yell and yell and says it's easy. This adds to my stress and my anger towards myself. Do not tell someone experiencing difficulty it's easy, tell them how to make it easy. To tell them it's easy when they can't do it makes them feel stupid.

Advice from Xue: the next time he yells, listen to the words, not the tone.

Advice from Nisa: Keep calm for TP, be a bit kan chiong but not so kan chiong, I know how kan chiong you can be for tests. Keep calm, if you're kan chiong, you might end up not being able to change gears, end up pulling out the gears. Everything you do, think not of what you're gonna do right but what can go wrong so you don't screw up.

16.10.07 2:17 PM

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