Please don't be mad at me for spoiling your day. I'm PMS-ing again. Emo-ing away and what's more, a patient passed away today. Not like I'm very close to him but I still get affected. It's funny though, how I never get so close to dying patients. It's almost like a sensor in me that detects the Angel of death and prevents me from getting too close/emotionally involved with the patient.

For 2 years, the Angel of death would only come when I'm off duty, so I've never seen someone die. Surprising, but true. When it can't be avoided, I made a sensor to sense the Angel of death.

After a grand total of 3 weeks in a geron ward, trust me, I'm getting better at predicting deaths. I used to wonder how some nurses or doctors "just know it." It's the intuition you develop after seeing so many people die.

Death is not frightening at all. Today, as I looked at the deceased, I kept thinking what would it feel like when it's my turn. What will it feel like when I'm gasping for air, knowing my time's gonna be up soon. What will it feel like when my soul is standing at the bedside, looking at people cleaning my body up. Would I miss the world? Would I miss the sights and sounds, would I miss being alive?

I feel so drained, why am I even carrying on but yet I wanna go on. Ironic eh?

Men are probably the most selfish creatures in the world, which is why they're not mothers. They wanna do things their way, when they're depressed, they just STOP living. They sleep and sleep and wouldn't even attempt to chuff food down their throats. Oh, they don't even care that there are people who'd worry. Why should I care? I'm in such shit! FINE! Roll about in shit then, rot away!

NS is prob there to attempt to change these men for the better. They learn that there are other people around them and how to ensure their safety and the safety of others. They learn that if you throw shit up in the air, it may come down and hit you with a loud splat and you'll end up getting whacked because your shit just splattered on the people around you as well.

Not everyone can tolerate having splatters of shit on them without making a sound.

So yea, a pity some of these people can't remember such a simple theory and choose to live as they please.

I sometimes wish I can give them a hand by throwing them off the building. But if he wanted to die, why choose to starve to death? Dumbass. You won't starve in a hospital, we won't let you. If it's a cry for attention, face it. The people who care would be here by now. If they're not here, they don't care. So just eat your food, grow strong and fat and sit on them, crush them to death when you're better. I wish I could tell them these, but if I did, hahahahaha I would be thrown off the building without hesitation and my corpse would be severely disfigured and torn apart.